I made his lunch today :)

White Rabbit lol, classic.

B L glad that your A girlfriend is working on sobriety and you have found the program for yourself. That is commendable.

All of us here have spent a lot of years in the program and have experienced variations in living with an alcoholic.

You leave a lot out in your post, how many years you have been together, not that we need to hear all the details,
we know what life is like with an active alcoholic.

Sounds like your telling us that we dont do or havent done enough for the Alcoholic. Are problem isnt that we havent done enough,
the problem of the spouse and family members of an Alcoholic is that we have done too much. Were capable of loving an alcoholic to death.

Oh and what did I do for the A in my life today? Well, he is my XAH and he needed a ride to the train station to get to work, so I gave him a lift. 

Wishing you all the best in recovery. Bettina 

-- Edited by Bettina on Thursday 17th of March 2011 12:52:27 PM

This actually made me smile huge and I am glad you 2 are doing great! As much as I wished my soon to be exAH into a recovery program thus losing myself and having many a horror story to tell about it all, it didn't happen and after 15 years I had to end the marriage to feel sane. You are fortunate and I wish you 2 the very best! I told him today that although I can't live with him, I certainly do love him and always will.

Hmmm....I let him live........Just Kidding. I'm in the middle of a horror story right now, but I made and decorated green cookies with my daughter...

I'm just pleased today has been good for you, B L.

Good luck and best wishes to you both

Tish xxx

You asked what have you done for your drunk lately and I responded.


Alanon is about what have we done for ourselves...

Luv, Bettina

Today I allowed my exah who I have not spoken to in more than a year do something nice for me. I accepted it as is without treating the situation as if I should be concerned about motivations or manipulations. I was able to show comapssion, be kind and walk away feeling good about myself.  

Jen

-- Edited by Jennifer on Thursday 17th of March 2011 09:51:18 PM

Hon for one thing, he has a disease, I respected him as a person and NEVER would call him "my drunk."
 
He is a human being, he is not his disease. After all the horrible things his disease put me thru, I have no regrets for hanging in there as long as I could.

What do I do every day, more than once a day? I keep him in my prayers.

love,deb

lol, watching a chickflick with her, without complaining (I hope), is awesome!!!

I let my husband go off to detox then rehab and take care of himself, I let him be and nicely told him I didn't think him coming back and living at home directly from rehab was best...that we needed our space to focus on ourselves (I didn't break up with him, just, I need more time for me). He is now sober 35 or 36 days (I think), got excited about his 30 day chip and even went to 2 different meetings to get the 2 different kinds of 30 days chips. He looked into and organized going to a sober living home after rehab all by himself, and has since applied for 6 jobs and has an interview coming up. I let go, and look at him go. Turns out, without me to lean on, count on, and tell him everything he needs to do, nag, then get mad when he consistently did nothing, well, turns out - he can be responsible, write a kick ass cover letter and resume, get a job and start to get his life back.

Today, I took a hilarious video of our dog (who my AH really misses). I talked to AH tonight from rehab and told him I'd email him the video tomorrow. He was happy about that. Oh, and I also picked my husband up from the dentist today at lunch time and drove him back to rehab. :)

BL - nicely done (especially the part about the chick flick, LOL)! So glad things are going well for both of you.

Like Danielle, the nicest thing I have ever done for my exAH was to let go. What he does with his life is his choice alone. He doesn't need me heaping my disappointment and bitterness over his disease on him, nor does it help him find recovery for me to be his sole source of financial support. I can now be civil, if not downright pleasant to him with very little effort on my part, regardless of his attitude toward me at any given time, but I am no longer enmeshed in his disease.

I like what others said about keeping their A in their prayers, that's something I can do as well.

I was asking myself what bothered me about people calling their A's a drunk.

I suffer from depression. I am usually very ok and positive.

But recently had to face and carry thru many stessful losses. I also was trying to go off a med.

I hit a very hurtful bottom. MIp friends were great, my family and friends were too.

But if anyone called me my crazy friend it would have killed me.

I just could not quite "get" one sharing what they did for their AH, then calling them a disrespectful, hurtful name.

Now I know some call themselves that. Mine did. I didn't like that either but that was his choice.

I thought it was a wonderful thing to share what we have done for our A's. Like I said they are still people who deserve love!. they are just sick.

love,deb

I felt I had to respond after reading Debilyn's post.  I have to agree.  I don't refer to my AH as a "drunk". He is a recovering alcoholic.  I guess I feel it is just about respect. I have an obsessive, compulsive personality and I am grateful the my AH doesn't call me a "wack job" or a "psycho."

I also agree with the post as far as doing something nice for our loved ones. I try to do something nice every day and I have to say that it has been a very pleasant surprise that my AH  has been responding in kind which is making for a much stronger relationship between us.

Thanks for the post.

Hmmmm...

I have OCD and my husband does affectionately refer to me as his wack job. LOL. It has never hurt my feelings. Not to say other terms he uses don't upset me or hurt. But I've always gotten a chuckle out of that one. I don't call my AH my drunk. But I do call him mine ;0) I think the spirit it is said in matters almost as much as the term. So meh, doesn't bother me.

What have I done nice for him today? I picked up groceries and while I was at the store I hunted up a few of his favorite treats and brought them home for him. I respected his space and didn't give him the third degree about where he was going and what he was doing for the afternoon. And I took a moment to give him a smooch and tell him how much I love him. I'm not looking for anything back for it. I just feel loving towards him and wanted to show it. I hope he got some enjoyment out of it and it add to his day in a positive way.