My sickness. - Al-Anon Family Group

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

My sickness.

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Tracy,

Good morning and stop kicking yourself in the butt, the disease of alcoholism does that already. We need to be kind to ourselves.

One thing Tracy is that the Alcoholic is never alright, they always have to be vigilent in coping with their disease, its something they carry
and have to work at all their lives. Same as us, we have to be responsible for our own stuff and our own happiness. Nobody can give it to us.

This is the place where you vent or we will go crazy, your feeling rage, let it out , then let it go. We are human after all, with all our states of
life at any given moment. Maybe you should start from step 1, "We are powerless over the drinking ", and most other things that we cannot change.

Life can show us that if we pray long enough and really reflect on our motives that most things can change, but not always at the time we want them
to change. For there are lessons to be learned. Everything has meaning. We must look closer.

Tracy, sometimes we get off track of focusing on ourselves and not the Alcoholic. Keep practicing.

Hop back on and keep working it, you will be feeling happier soon.

Luv, Bettina

-- Edited by Bettina on Thursday 17th of March 2011 12:21:12 PM

Tattyhead · Senior Member

Tracy, it was never ging to be easy and you are allowed to falter in your resolve now and then. Don't beat yourself up, the programme is about being kind to yourself. Well done for getting this far.

And of course you are still going to have loving feelings for your ABF - we don't turn our emotions off like a tap - I should know - I have been married to my AH for 39 years! (Although the alcohol dependance has only been apparent in the last 6 or so years). But there lies a cautionary tale - you really don't want to be in my situation in 39 years time!!

This is a wonderful and safe place to come and vent. It has helped me so much, so come back whenever you feel the need.

Love, Tish xxx

Lala03044 · Member

(((((hugs)))))

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I believe what you are feeling is very normal. You have a right to that.

I am looking at it as he is very ill and recovering. Sometimes since it is addiction we tend to forget this. If he was coming out of cancer, I cannot imagine you being upset. You would be doing anything for him. I am guessing

Now I supported my A after the brain surgery. I was his wife, I wanted to. But as he got better, I saw a different person. I felt taken advantage of. I didn't know out of ignorance, denial, he had a medical relapse.

I am telling you, if he would have gotten back to AA and was going to meetings, working his program, I would have been happy to just know he was getting better.

I too had needs that went unanswered. It was hard. I know how ya feel. Over the years I learned to fill my needs in different ways. The need for something from him went away.

Now I have learned to be so appreciative to be blessed with the love I do get from others. Or that they call or check on me.

I just liked him being there. His body just there. Of course now there is nothing. I am glad I for some reason gleaned whatever I did have with him.

You have an A that you love that is doing his best to get well. It does concern me that he is having surgery and I pray he does not lose his recovering.

I would invite you to think about what you do have. I tell ya tracy, I would give about anything just to be able to talk to my ex ah on the phone Just to be friends.

I do validate you have very much a right to your feelings! Of course you feel left out.

maybe you could ask for what you want. Maybe tell him you need him. Then be direct as to what would help right now. Maybe he writes you letters, makes you cards. thinks of simple things he could do for you. problem solve with you about something.

Maybe since we are not getting what we think we need, we are not exploring other ways to satisfy our need in different ways.

Or maybe it is that when we get angry and frustrated, we really need to research the disease to get back to how sick they are and he sounds like he is doing his best.

I am proud of you for doing your best to explore and question the situation. That is part of our making progress.

Sending you love,debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.