Over on the CODA Board we are starting a Book study and a step study, it's based on Melody Beatty Books, but truthfully the step study will be using (and I quote) "I am going to be using "The Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps" as my core resource in starting the step threads for this step study.  I will also be referencing many of the other books I have on the steps including the AA Big Book, the 12x12, Paths to Recovery from Al-Anon and more"

The Book Study is "Codependent No More" but the truth is we are pretty much bringing any literature that seems appropriate, I suspect The Dalai lama will be making an appearance soon, we have daily ACOA readings, and Melody Beatty "The language of letting go" readings daily

Melody Beatty was a sober alcoholic/addict that was a counselor at a rehab, being the lowest member on the totem pole, she was assigned to work with the families of the addicts and alcoholics, she found them "hostile, controlling, manipulative, indirect, guilt producing, difficult to communicate with, and more."

She didn't know what to do with them, she didn't understand them, and they didn't understand her, she felt they were just "extensions" of the alcoholic, and she couldn't understand why they didn't get better when the alcoholic did. She writes neither she nor really of the other counselors were trained or really understood codependency then

When she was drinking and using she didn't what they were but she knew -who- they were, the people who whinged at her constantly, who asked why she couldn't get it together, they didn't understand her, and she didn't understand them.

She wrote, ""Most codependents were obsessed with other people. With great precision and detail, they could recite long lists of the addict's deeds and misdeeds: what he or she thought, felt, did, and said; and what he or she didn't think, feel, do, and say.... Yet these codependents who had such great insight into others couldn't see themselves. They didn't know what they were feeling. They weren't sure what they thought. And they didn't know what, if anything, they could do to solve their problems"

Many years later, she after a series of unhealthy relationships in sobriety, she found herself lost in the world of being involved of active alcoholism, she found herself in Alanon meetings, she found herself sicker then ever, she wrote she learned why they were hostile, because who wouldn't be hostile after going through what they went through, she learned they were manipulative because honesty and directness didn't work in their lives, she became "one of them", she finally understood, she had now walked a mile in their shoes, "they" had become "us",  so she writes:

"That's why I wrote this book. It grew out of my research, my personal and professional experiences, and my passion for the subject. It is a personal and, in some places, prejudiced opinion.

I'm not an expert, and this isn't a technical book for experts. Whether the person you've let yourself be affected by is an alcoholic, gambler, foodaholic, workaholic, sexaholic, criminal, rebellious teenager, neurotic parent, another codependent, or any combination of the above, this book is for you, the codependent."

Melody Beatty is one of the ones (as I understand it) that actually put "codependency "on the map", and made the treatment of codependency acceptable and mainstream

It appears most of us there are from MIP, a few other places, and it appears we all have one thing in common, we want solution, we don't want to change the alcoholic or addict in our lives, we want to learn how to change ourselves.

We talk about ourselves there, we don't give advice, nor get it, this is a journey we are taking together, side by side, it's only just begun and it's already going VERY well, I always wanted a program to get help from the harm both alcoholism AND codependency have caused in my life, it seems to be going well there, we are bringing up childhood stuff, relationship patterns, and the more we get down "on paper" the clearer the picture is emerging

so if you feel like a codie, have alcoholism or codie in your family of origin, or just are tired of dysfunction in your lives and relationships and feel like doing something about it by changing YOURSELF, come give us a visit, we are having a great time

Book Study

-- Edited by linbaba on Wednesday 16th of March 2011 11:02:25 PM