The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Interesting, but something snapped inside me last week in a good way. I'm sure it's related to me working on myself, a little more than usual but I'm suddenly not feeling as down as I was. In fact I feel happy! Not that things have improved all that much at home, maybe not at all. But it's bothering me less. I've come to realize that I have more control over certain things than I thought. Just not over people. While I don't make the messes in the house (usually anyway), I do have some control over how the house looks. I could pick up after my wife! Not that I think I SHOULD, nor that it doesn't bother me at all, but to take 10-15 minutes tidying up when I come home isn't the worse thing in the world....I don't have to leave it a mess and wait for my wife to clean up after herself. Or bother her to do it. Other things along this line too. I'm bothered by the state of repair of somethings in the house, but I have some control over that too. I can paint, right? And spackling holes from nails etc in the wall is also within the realm of my abilities. Thoughts like these have helped me to feel better. I've focused a lot on the negative things my wife does that affect my daughter. I've not given much thought to the positive things I"ve done for her! Case in point. Wife brought home a pedigree puppy unannounced and without discussing it with me recently (second time she's done this). I was unhappy and very bothered by this. But recently my daughter said to me that I "handled the puppy situation really well. You didn't yell, you didn't even seem to be mad. I was glad because I really like this puppy." Or words to that affect. Now I'm not "at peace" with having this dog, but I hadn't realized the positive effects I"ve been having on my daughter. I'm sure this all falls under the Alanon heading of "perspective" but to me it's been a "revelation".
Revelations are so cool! There are a number of attitudes/opinions I had a few years ago where I felt so certain that I was right and had no other option than to feel how I feel. Today, many of those situations are the exact same but I feel different, and some just don't matter anymore. Never in a million years would I have said that I would ever see it differently. I also had some very strong feelings about my exAH and his relationship with my kids. Some of those fears are coming to fruition now, and you know what? They are not mine to deal with. My focus is on my relationship with my kids, which is a big enough job all by itself.
Yes, it does work when we work it! Keep on keepin on...
Blessings,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
You're not only improving things for yourself, you're modeling healthy behaviour for your daughter and she's noticing!
Thanks for sharing that with us.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
