The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi Everyone, I am new and have a super big problem this week. For starters, I am attending an open AA meeting this friday, it's a speaker meeting, i'm not sure what that is, but I will be finding out. I also plan to attend Al-Anon meeting as soon as possible, but with work and a toddler, I'm having a hard time scheduling it. Here's the background - in Oct 2009, my fiance got a DUI. He promised, and seemed to succeed in quitting until the end of Nov, when he went out with his friends for his birthday. he hasn't quit drinking since then. I got pregnant days before his drinking started up again, we now have a happy, healthy 18 month old son. Last month, AH got too drunk at his moms and said some very terrible things to her and me. I left him there, she kicked him out, he stayed with his brother for a few days. He made all the "I'll never drink again" promises, and I let him back. Last weekend, we had plans to do some renovations, so I was cleaning out a closet and found his stash of empties. I have kicked him out. I don't know where he's staying, but he calls and emails and begs to come back. He has agreed to go to AA with me on friday, and to get professional help (we're on a 2 month waiting list, ugh). I'm sure there are many people who have very similar stories. I would appreciate advice/suggestions on what to do. I don't want him living on the streets and I know he's having money problems. He can be a good guy during the day and works hard most the time (calls himself a functioning alcoholic). Has anyone here allowed the A to stay in a guest room while seeking help? My family is against him having anything to do with us, but we also believe strongly in making marriages work and having family members support each other in times of need. Thank you for listening to my story, it's very encouraging to find a support system and to know i'm not alone!
Welcome to Alanon & MIP, Its very frustrating I know, have lived it.
I really suggest you following thru on your Alanon face to face meeting. Its ok to attend an open AA meeting with your fiancee, but its more important for you to start a recovery program of your own.
Nobody can tell you what to do in your situation, its ultimately your decision, but before you do make a decision, attending Alanon and coming to this board and listening to everyones experiences will help and working the philosophy of Alanon, will give you new hope.
We learn to react to the drinking in a more positive way, thus affecting the alcoholic. When you make a change, everything changes.
Please come back and dont give up hope. Stick around for the miracles.
Thanks Bettina, I've found a babysitter and will be at the al-anon early next week. the fiance just called, demanded to be let home and did some angry name calling that he hasn't done before, so he's not coming home anytime soon. i've looked up all the pamphlets and been reading a lot of posts, it's been a very educational afternoon. This site is great for people like me and i truly hope the meetings help me out. Thanks again!
Glad to hear youare going to your first meeting. As it has been said no one in al anon will give you advice tell you to stay or leave your relationship. Members will share their experiences, strength and hope. You can take the bits you like and leave the rest. Hope your first meeting is a wonderful experience mine was. the people there understood what I was going through they had similar expereinces , they did not judge me. I have made some of the most fantastic friendships
HI and Welcome. I been in you situation. I had to kick my AF out. I didn't feel safe anymore. I was a wreck afterward. I didn't know wher he was at first. He slept in the street and went to a shelter.He was still drinking.
He wanted to come home. I said no.
He went into detox but left after 2 days.
I was angry.
He wanted to get into a program.
I eventually work it out with him. I agreed to let him come home if he would go to meetings and work the program of AA. He had to do 90 in 90. He agreed. He now has 65 days.
It's been a tough 2 months. He goes every day. He has a sponsor and is working the steps.
I go to alanon 2-3 time a week. I am shy though. I don't share as much as I should. It helps to hear people with the same issues. When I can't make it to a meeting I read the literature.
No one can tell you what you should do. In alanon were not suppose to give advice. We share our experience, strengh, and hope.
Take care of your self. and keep coming back.
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Take it one day at a time. If that is too much take it a minute at a time.
This place was a godsend for me when I could not get to meetings. After my son went to bed I used the online meetings for relief. I must say that coordinating a babysitter is if possible the best thing. Face to face meetings in alanon rooms have been the best tool I have used to get relief. Working the steps with a sponsor will give recovery.
I understand exactly where you have been. I am so glad you are here. Keep coming back!
