The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am having a break from my Sober ABF (7 months). As I have nmentioned I need to get off his back and focus on me. However I am missing him so much I really just want to ring him and sort it out. But he does not live his life how I want to, he is in early recovery and can not be a true partner we are both sick and need to heal but I miss him so much. All day I have been speaking to Hp please show me your will take this pain. Then I got an e-mail from someone and it was about what are you hoding on to. It was about a little girl who wants some shinning toy pearls she does chores and saves to but these pearls which are her pride and joy, The little girls father asks her everynight if he can have the pearls. she offers her daddy her favourite toys but will not part with the pearls that she loves and had to work so hard for. Then one night she i sat on the bed crying and ands her father the pearls. he pulls a bag out of hi pocket with some beautiful real pearls. The e-mail says what are you holding on to that is stopping you from receiving something better.
I got a great sese Hp was telling me to let my Bf go. But my will is sreaming no I LOVE HIM. I am going to follow HPs will I have to my will gets me in so much trouble.
Aloha Tracy...there are soooo many perspectives to look at my situations and what to do about them that it requires the tools I have learned in Al-Anon go decide what I will do in my life in just one days period of time.
My most favorite slogan is "Don't react!!" and it came from the period of time when I was deep in anxiety over the alcoholic relationships that I felt I just had to do some thing about it. And then I learned that the anxiety was causing me to think I just had to do something about it...about everything while the other slogans, Let go and Let God, Easy does it, This too will pass, Turn it over and the others were teaching me that one of the tools is patience with detachment...In the wait take care of what is in front of me and my eyes on the trail ahead. Detachment became not keeping others and their conditions away from me but me away from them and also me out side of the problem with the awareness that I wasn't nearly qualified to fool around with it and certainly not a Higher Power.
I learned a new definition of love in Al-Anon and working with my Higher power... "Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly who they are"...(not exclusive to the alcoholic...recoverying or not) so I have worked at loving all others as I thought I loved my alcoholic wife. With my Higher Power the lesson was more powerful and spiritual..."Love is the absense of Fear". What I fear I cannot love and what I truely love I cannot fear. It works for me on a 24/7 basis and work at it.
I was raised on a definition of "faith" ...believing without seeing. Al-Anon gave me a more definite and stronger reasoning ...acceptance without reservation. When I accept that no matter what goes only in my life and this world that there is no cause for fear and that God is...period and that my mind and my will and my pride and ego are of little consequence I'm free of worry, anxiety, fear and sadness. "Nothing happens in God's world by accident" I've hear said around the rooms along with "God doesn't give me any more than I can handle." Today I can handle the rest I can let go. Keep gifting yourself with quiet time and stay out of your mind...that's a dangerous neighborhood to find yourself in. (((((hugs)))))
ps...in spite of everything you are growing beautifully.
that is a strong epiphany ((( tracy ))), learning to let go of what we are holding onto, allows us to have things we never could have before. The more I let go of, the more free I became from the shackles of fear & manipulative control.
Letting others go, even for only some specified time period, allows me to focus fully on me and to add respect to the equation of loving. Loving someone enough to let them go, takes great maturity and growth. Take extra special care of you now & know you are never alone.
Faith requires surrendering the people, places and outcomes to the HP and accepting that the consequences of our actions, is the best possible outcome. Faith is about trusting the process of living, this is where 'acting as if' &/or "fake it 'til you make it" comes in to play (I think). I like to think of it as, an exercise. I can try it for a while, put it down and see what happens. I can re-evaluate it at any time, too.
When I began basing my behavior based on how I was left feeling in the end, it got much easier to put the love of me first and priortize me, for the first time in my entire life. I dont dwell or obsess on me, but I certainly do let it begin with me and hand it over to god/HP. The more I can surrender and let go of, the more I seem to learn and maintain. I get to keep it by giving it away - my resepect, my forgiveness, my program- all hinges on the connection & communication I have with the HP.
-- Edited by kitty on Thursday 17th of March 2011 10:40:30 AM
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
