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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> The Power of Conscious Decisions
Post Info TOPIC: The Power of Conscious Decisions
blender_girl


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The Power of Conscious Decisions
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It's been a very long time since I last posted - shame on me!  I'm still here, though.  Still chairing the Friday AM meetings unless something comes up.  This is a vital link to my program, for which I am extremely grateful.  I'm giving you fair warning - this will be long!

So what's been going on with blender_girl? Well, a lot.  My kids and I have emerged from the muck and slime of the divorce from my A (it was final in August) and are getting a sense of who we really are.  Amazing how getting out from under the damper of codependency with an active A can clear your perspective on life. 

Sure, some days are a struggle, especially for the older ones (22 and 20) who are still suffering the effects of growing up to become ACOA.  But they know where to go for recovery and I do my best to maintain a healthy attitude with them.

My youngest child (who is 10) is becoming more and more animated as each day goes on.  As I discover how to be happy, joyous and free, so does he.  He would now rather go outside and play with his neighborhood friends than sit in the play room and play video games.   He has broken free from his isolation.  What a gift to witness!

Sadly, my ex-A still shows no interest in recovery.  What a waste.  But that's his choice.

As for me, I am seeing the powerful results of making a conscious decision to change.  It started with something small - something that I really hated about myself.  This may sound silly, but all of my life, I bit my fingernails.  My hands were a mess and I was ashamed of them.   In December of 2009, at the beginning of my divorce process, during a time when my stress levels were in the stratosphere, I made the conscious decision to not bite them any more.  Within 2 months, I was able to get a manicure without embarrassment.  Now I have lovely, healthy nails and my hands look nice! 

Since I now had the physical proof of what making those conscious decisions could do for me, I turned to another aspect of myself that I didn't like - my weight.  I reached my peak weight right before I found MIP and came back to Al-Anon in 2008.  At that time, I did make an effort to lose weight and succeeded in dropping nearly 40 lbs.  I did feel better, but still was self conscious  - as I had another 25 to go to get where I need to be for my height and build.

I maintained for several months, but slowly gained back at least 12 of those pounds, putting myself back into that self-conscious, depressed mode.    Then I got to thinking about my hands - I no longer have the urge to bite my nails, and I did that by making a conscious decision and sticking to it.  I then made another decision - I'm going to drop the rest of this weight that I've been hiding behind for years and become the active, vibrant person that I know I am.

That was 5 weeks ago - I joined a gym, invested in some personal training sessions and have lost 18 pounds so far.  I feel fabulous, I have more energy and I am finally seeing the person I lost so many years ago.  As a friend of mine told me today, "I lost the weight and found myself."  Very true.

But the physical weight loss is only one aspect of it.  I also made the conscious decision to continue my journey of recovery.  It's been a long and bumpy road, but I have shed a lot of the weight of emotional oppression and isolation that I lived under during my marriage to the A.  I could not have done that without the guidance of my HP - the power that led me back to the Al-Anon program and to you fine folks here at MIP.

I am getting to know myself and am liking what I discover.  I'm pretty freakin' cool!  ;)

As of right now, I am happy, joyous and free - something I realized tonight while doing the dishes, LOL.  I know there will be more twists and turns to come, but that's what keeps life interesting, right?  And I have better tools now to deal with whatever life throws at me.  I will always keep the program with me, in some form or fashion.  That's yet another conscious decision.  biggrin.gif

For those of you who are new to the program, look back at my older posts - you'll see the pain and heartache I was going through.  I'm sharing this tonight to offer hope to you that it will get better, just keep on working it, you're worth it!

Thanks for listening, dear ones. 

Hugs in recovery,

bg


-- Edited by blender_girl on Tuesday 15th of March 2011 12:48:46 PM

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Jerry F


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Aloha BG...glad you stopped by and peeked in and left the new inventory.  I am
happy with you as the program works in your life also.  There is power in the
consciousness of living rather than the leaving life up to luck.  It's the best work
of all.  Thanks for dropping by...((((hugs)))) smile

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nmike


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Welcome back BG. I haven't been able to come here as much as I would like. As the HP works, you answered my questions. A reading this week said that you can't change the A but you can change yourself. That is so hard to understand for me. But I said now how am I to change and what should I change that isn't working for me. You have given me a glimmer of what I need to do to work the program of recovery.

In support,
Nancy

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Debilyn


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I don't find it easy to smile these days but your post made one come on for sure! It was so nice for you to share your journey! You have healed such a long ways and serously working your program.

Thank you so much for keeping us updated!
I love 10 year old kiddo's. They are still sorta a little sweet kid, but yet they are sooo smart and heading to the "fun" teens! I remember that was when my son would not hold hands with me anymore....)c:

lol hugs,debilyn

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
flopadopilus


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So awesome to keep hearing the joys of working the program and such a great reminder to me to keep casting off my emotional baggage along with the physical weight I hide behind. I love your vulnerable honesty and I can so relate. I am in the early stages of my recovery and you make the light down the tunnel shine brighter for me after reading this. I am worth it!!! And I am glad you know so are you!!!!

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God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

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GailMichelle


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Simply AWESOME.  clap.gif



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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
Rora


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I enjoyed your post.  Thank you for sharing your ESH.  smile

Rora

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likemyheart


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I wish people would quit losing weight because I keep FINDING IT! Cheers!

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
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