The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
By sheer coincidence, my alcoholic ex lives across the street from my current boyfriend. I started having minimal contact with him again after about 2 years of no contact. His life is still so out of control and turbulent. He has made friends will all the other neighbors around who drink and use drugs and who get loud and annoying and bother neighbors. Why? because that is what he is like. I used to be like that.
Ugh. Without getting into to much detail. He was all high and drunk just a few meters away in another house. Critical difference. When I realized it, I backed off, said, "have fun" and went about my new life that has developed from 2 and a half years of 12 step work. THANK GOD he is not my problem any more.
I can have friends that are upstanding people now. I am not relegated to only socializing with other drunks and people who smoke lots of week and "party" at an age far beyond when partying is a remotely acceptable lifestyle.
While I was going to church with my new boyfriend of 6 months, the ex was busy stealing weed from the neighbor, going wherever he could get more booze and basically acting nuts. The difference between our lives is remarkable, yet somehow God put him in a house right across the street from me when I was never planning to see him again.
Strange.
P.S. - I know this sounds like I went all religious...I didn't...through some hard work I went "normal" and he stayed the same.
I think HP wanted you to see how far you have come and how much alll your hard work has paid off. Sometimes we get all involved in our new lives and forget to look back and see how far we have come.
Going to Church, showing up in a relationship, working, sharing love-- all great NORMAL stuff.
Keep on shwoing up one day at a time Thanks for your ESH
Those moments of recognition are inspirational to me. Thank you for sharing.
When I have had reminders similar to your's of seeing old friends and my neighbors who are still living a life I left long ago my first thought is always gratitude. I will never stop being amazed at how what looks like a life of care free oblivion is actually so hard to live. And no matter how hard learning and growing is I will always be grateful my life is so much easier in so many ways than it ever has been before.
Thanks guys. I was thinking "How the hell is he gonna get it together by monday morning for work?" Then I realized, I don't really care cuz, again, not my problem.
I TOTALLY understand this. I get glimpses of what my life used to be like (and what it could be like again, if I don't stay with recovery) sometimes too. I saw an article in the paper this last weekend, written about a girl who is now 25 and married, but was in the news a bunch when she was a toddler because of a story the public followed closely. It was kind of a "where is she now" kinda story about her. The article says the girl is married to a man who has had a couple brushes with the law for addiction related stuff. The article quoted the girl saying that she believes her purpose in life is to "save him" and show him a better way of life. I shook my head when I read it. Those words probably came from my mouth, verbatim, before I got in here. I truly believed that it was my purpose to save a couple of different people and show them a better way of life. I could be back there, too, if I don't keep on the recovery path. The article was a good reminder of where I used to be, and where I have no desire to go back. It gave me gratitude for my recovery, and gratitude for all the things in my life that are soooo much simpler now that I am not anyone's savior anymore.
Your program has given you a new set of eyes to see and feel the changes you have made in your life with awareness and acceptance. A light bulb moment is HP's way to show us how far we have come.
Hey Mark - great post. Thanks for sharing. You had mentioned before that your ex lived really close to your current boyfriend, I didn't realize just HOW close. I personally don't really believe in coincidence, but rather that significant things happen for a reason, even if we have no clue what the reason is at the time. Even if it's just to show us something, teach us something, or move our lives forward, somehow. Must have been inspiring for you - to see how far you've come:) (not that you didn't know that already). :) D
