Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> "The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved"
Post Info TOPIC: "The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved"
Overcome


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"The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved"
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Wanted to make MIP members aware of something that happened at Friday morning's meeting.  I suggested the topic of "creating chaos" as it is described in our ODAAT daily reader. Someone else mentioned the topic of Stop and Think (or something to that effect). A MIP member gave a "situation" where she stated that she "caused" her husband to hit her by her taunting him with her actions (which I can understand would aggrevate the situation, but not to be used by an excuse by the alcoholic for physical violence) this she said was an example of "creating chaos". Since there were some relatively newcomers in the room, I waited until she was done with her share (so as not to cross-talk) and stated that I respectively disagreed with her.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline (which I have seen given out often in the MIP Al-anon chat room, btw) stance on the issue was that of no violence should be tolerated, no matter what the cause. I was attacked for "cross-talk" by this member and another member, who evidently was her cohort. I defended myself by stating that I had waited to the end of the share to state my objection. I continued to be harassed by the cohort and so I quoted our Al-anon Conferance Approved Literature (CAL) "from Survival to Recovery" which has a page specifically addressed to "Anyone Confronted with Violence" and told them to read it. On that page it states, "But no one has to accept violence. No matter what seems to trigger the atttack, we all deserve to be safe." I then left the room.

I am concerned about this as there may be newcomers who might think it is "ok" to tolerate domestic violence and think that they are to blame, that they could have "caused" the alcoholic to "hit" them. This is no more true than we "cause" the alcoholic to drink. It greatly disturbs me to think that these two women (who both have significant al-anon under their belt I understand) would take this stance especially this month since it just happens to be the National Domestic Violence Hotline website's (domesticviolence.org) Domestic Violence Awareness Month!
 
I thought this should be brought to your attention. Also the fact that the OP in the room at the time did not take a stance on the issue, but remained silent. There was only person who made a rational statement by saying that "let's play nice girls". However, I feel like the position of Al-anon, stated in the CAL that I previously mentioned should have been backed up. I am greatly disappointed in the response I received and I don't plan on returning to MIP until it has been addressed. I am a 20 year active f2f member of a Conferance Approved Al-anon Family Group and I have been a member of MIP since 2003.

I first notified John about this on Friday and have given him ample time to reply. There has been no reply. This post is basically a copy of that letter to John. I am greatly distressed by this turn of events and do not plan to return to this site.  You will not see me on this site again  .  Overcome


 

-- Edited by canadianguy on Monday 14th of March 2011 11:18:55 PM

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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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It is my opinion most groups need to revisit their boundaries, and rules that they choose to follow.

It's easy for things to get confusing.

In the past we followed as close to AA, and Al Anon as we could in this medium. It made it much simpler to be cohesive, and have a meeting of the minds. It ran smooth.

 As we know AA and Al Anon are a group. There is no one person who is the boss over anyone else. We all give our own special service.

In fact when I was a mod. I found it humbling to be blessed to be one.

So I am sad you went through this. Possibly we need to discuss this, and decide what rules, and boundaries we need to follow to keep the great atmosphere we usually have on MIP.

sincerely,debilyn

-- Edited by Debilyn on Monday 14th of March 2011 07:51:53 PM

-- Edited by canadianguy on Monday 14th of March 2011 11:06:20 PM

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink Closed

Hi Overcome 

I hear you and am sorry that this has happened  You are a huge asset to this Board and your recovery, insights and  experience very powerful.

I know that this was a difficult situation for you and it could have/ should have been handled with much more diplomacy by the Chair person

I know that al anon shares are sacred and not subject to judgement  We do contribute to the madness  in our homes  and in this respect this woman felt she was sharing her heart and should not be judged.  In fact we encourage al anon members to seek out their part in a situation and own it so as to change .  

I asked myself if this had happened in my face to face meeting, how would I have handled it--
I respect and honor the no cross talk rule and know that it is imperative that it is enforced at all times.  If the Chair-Person had not mentioned the abuse hotline after the share I would have asked for a group conscience or Business Meeting to discus the issue of violence.  
 
 If that was not honored I would have spoken to the member after the meeting and would no doubt have been treated as you were.  People who are not ready to have their denial and fantasy lifted will fight tooth and nail to  maintain THEIR TRUTH

 That is the reason  we take what we like and leave the rest.
 
Please reconsider your participation as you have been such as asset to the Board

 


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
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