The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel very anxious today & I really don't know why? I am just feeling like life is passing me by sometimes & also feel like I need to reach out again.
So, I get on MIP & tell it like it is. I have a very supportive husband & mother who are right there when I need them. Is that enough? sometimes not!
Yesterday, my husband & I traveled about 60 miles to see a movie; that is not the problem: actually spending time w/ him was stressful. I wanted to tell him to shut up several times! I know the problem is me not him. I also was very anxious about getting to the movie on time & it really showed. We actually made it to the movie w/ time to spare. I guess I should just let God be my co-pilot & let Him run the show! It seems that my way doesn't work!
So, as I am writing this, I feel the tension buiding up! I guess sometimes I get all caught up in trying to make this all sound perfect that I lose the reason for putting this here in the first place.
I want so much to make sense! I am so critical of myself too! I don't know where I am going w/ all this & I feel I am going around in circles trying to find the middle!
Maybe I just need a meeting! The next one is Tuesday.
What do I do w/ all this anxiety? I have to make it w/o a regular counselor--he is still on medical leave for about a month more. I can't wait to see if he decides to continue working w/ me or move on to something else. I feel like I have been dropped like a lead balloon. I wasn't going to say that but it just came out! I have talked to him on his home phone which I didn't plan to do but he called me first when my husband went into the hospital. He told me that it was OK to call him & that we still have a relationship even though I can't see him weekly anymore.
I am scared that I won't make it sometimes. but then, what does it mean to make it! I guess it means just getting through another day w/o losing it!
I am about ready to stop this roller coaster ride now--actually I am done for now! Love you all!
All I can really tell you is that you are not alone and those are frequent thoughts and symptoms of not just people in Alanon, but all people. Deep breaths and try and force some positive thoughts in there too. I have actually been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in the past and I now know that if I don't reroute my thinking when some of the negative thoughts start, it will snowball. Practicing the steps does help with this because I never learned to "let go" until working step 3 and also relying on spirituality for comfort is also a new tool.
You are right that sometimes we just need a meeting and that will snap you back into feeling normal too.
I am sorry you are feeling out of sorts and anxious. The only thing I have really found to help me during those moments when prayer and meditation will not work and I can not seem to let go of it to hand it over is to clean. I know it sounds silly but I get something out of being grateful that I accomplished something and am taking care of me at the same time I wear myself right out.
Someone, it may have been here at MIP, once told me to flush it away. So I spit into the toilet imagining it is my unknown anxieties and flush 'em. Very simple, very silly but for some odd reason it helps my panic attacks.
