Lala....I hear you.  The divorce rate is near 50%.  Out of those that are still married, how many are really happy and satisfied?  My own marriage has been tough and it's likely we are heading for a divorce sometime in the future.  That said, I have come to believe that I'm the only one that can make ME happy (how to do that is something I've not quite figured out yet).  I've also become convinced that while I may find someone who treats me better and is easier to live with, I'm bringing my own issues into every relationship and left unfixed, these issues will cause problems.
     Funny you mention intimacy...I've forgotten what it's like!  We've not had it years.  My wife used to complain that we didn't do it often enough.  I've often wondered why I didn't have the drive to want it more often.  i began to realize that it's hard, if not improssible for me to have intimacy with someone I'm constantly angry or frustrated with. (Wife can be verbally abusive, emotionally abusive to my daughter and I, and goes on spending binges that rack up more and more debt.  I had to separate our finances just to be sure bills will have funds to pay them). 
     I long for a better spouse, marriage, family etc but I'm becoming aware that because of MY issues, I'm not likely to find this unless I fix my issues.  I'm not sure where i'll end up.  For now I'm just learning how to be gentle with myself, to actually like myself, and to work past resentments.  I'm also learning that for me, happiness requires constant effort.  Sort of like being in physical shape.  If I dont' do healthy thing for myself every day, I wont' be happy or healthy. 
     I've found a wonderful therapist who has helped me discover all this and who challenges me (to the point of aggravating me sometimes - but she's usually right - although I like to remind her when she's not!!!!) and I've learned that I need to change my perspective in life.
     In a nutshell, I believe that everything starts with me.  How I feel about myself, how I take care of myself, how I amuse, comfort, encourage or correct myself is the only thing that will ever change my life and make me feel better.  Once I'm in a better place and feel like I don't NEED anyone else is probably the time I'll actually be ready for a relationship.  This was hard for me to learn, I forget it often, and I often wallow in the "unfairness" of my own life (of course I rarely wallow in what's good about my life!).  Well I have to remember that there are plenty of good things too...just to be fair.....and that there is unfairness in my life...but wallowing in that only brings more pain.  So hard as it is for me, I have to move past it.  Good luck with everything.  I think I know how you feel.

Hi Lala, I can relate to you so much. I am currently living seperately from my husband and have filed for divorce. Intamacy was non existent and after I moved out and met an older man who lavished me with attention and I ate it up. By the time I realized it was unhealthy too, I decided I had to file and just be alone and get comfy in my own skin. My AH calls me late at night and somenights I have gone over by him and some nights I am stronger. The funny thing is he only shows me affection when he is trying to get me back. He is currently drinking and keeps telling me he is close to stopping again. Over the last 15 years he has been able to be dry for 2 years. It has never been healthy and I keep going back to Al-Anon, because I see my twisted thinking that keeps me trying to control him to recovery. I cry everytime I go see him and usually he does too. This disease is such a hard and sad thing for anyone to go through. My family is devasted and even though I have filed I reattached somewhere along the way. I know I have to turn him over to my HP again and dettach fully again. I fantasize that things could be a certain way, but odds show otherwise. Only HP knows what he holds for us and I know I need to work my program better, than I usually am feeling better.
I do know what you mean listening to that song takes me back too, but I am moving forward alone and starting to even like it. Take things ODAT and work your program. This program has taught me so much and I no longer walk around in a daze of misery. I have down moments, but I now have hope. I know I can only control myself and when I am taking care of myself I stop fantasizing about the perfect life and start working on making me a better me.

All sounds so familier, my AHBF has been dry for three years (although not sober as he still smokes pot)  He is still as up and down as when he was drinking.  He brings me into his life with promises and then pushes me out just as fast.  I am also told by him I am an addict, selfish, crazy.  He is active in AA but it doesn't really do much good when he also has picked up new addictions like gambling.  So I still don't get the attention I deserve.  He is also selfish sexually.  It must be part of the package all these commonalities.  Very frustrating and I couldn't imagine marriage and children being involved in our crazy reality.

This is a common thread in many marriages and not just those where addictions are/were present. Believe me! I have a friend who has no addiction in either side of the family and I have no idea why she stays married to her husband. 2 Christmases ago he told her that he wanted a different kind of present: for her to lose 29 pounds! Um, hello? And, just recently, she told me that he stopped talking to her, and their 14 year old daughter because of the daughter's choice of hairstyle for church services. He barely spoke to either of them for 18 days! She was miserable and their daughter was totally confused. From the outside, you'd see this perfect Christian family where the kids obey the father and the mother dresses well and has well groomed children. You'd see them smiling and being courteous to each other. Underneath it all is a current of resentment and hurts. I really feel for their girls: the dad has actually asked them questions like this "Doesn't your mother look like she gained a pound this week?" or "Don't eat too much you might get fat like your mother". MEAN! Every time I go to her house I pray that man isn't there. Seriously, my skin crawls when I see him.

OK: back to the marriage thing, LOL! I read a book a long time ago by Gary Smalley. It was a Christian book about marriage but it opened my eyes to new ways to get my husband to open up and to melt a little bit. Our marriage is nowhere near perfect and there were a few years way back when, when being intimate with him made me want to cry because he was being so mean and angry and negative. But, I literally would put myself in the mind set that s*x was important to our marriage and that it will bring us closer despite my feelings about it. After 16(19 years together) years of marriage I have to say that we have a healthy s*x life despite our problems and communication issues. Sometimes I have to coax him into it, sometimes he's a bit selfish for a few months and I have to be more vocal about what I want in our marriage. One thing he's always told me is that he's not a mind reader, nor am I. Sometimes we just have to ask for what we want and be willing to deal with the answer whether it be positive or negative. The biggest hurdle we have these days is that our 12 year old is having trouble falling asleep at night and I find we have to stay up later for those intimate times and man, I'm beat some days, LOL! The other thing that really helped us a lot is that I am a hugger. I walk right up and grab hold with a big hug whether he's in the mood for it or not. I do this a few times a day and the other thing I do a lot of is; listen. My husband has a very stressful job and some days are pretty miserable for him so even if I have a lot of crap to unload on him, I let him go first. I try to be empathetic and lend an ear and just nod my head when needed in agreement. And, some days I'm the one who needs a listening ear and if I tell him that I want him to listen and not give advice, he's usually pretty good about it. He'll put just about everything aside to help me work out my crap and I think he'd expect the same from me.