The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hey all. I just got an anonymous text message telling me that my wonderful husband is at the strip club. Gee...He isn't home at 11pm.....hhhmmm....Glad someone took the time to let me know. I just smiled and rolled my eyes. It makes no difference to me where he's at. As for me, I have immersed myself into the 12 step world. Two meetings a day, and I've read most of the Melodie Beatty collection. Still haven't received the Toby Rice Drews book yet. Slow delivery. Anyway, I'm thinking some of this may be starting to sink in. I see that there are activities to do in the Codependant no more books....I read over them, but was wondering if I should do them.
This all takes a while to process. I still feel confused. I tried to talk to my husband a few days ago, and he ignored me, of course. At least I was halfway expecting him to. Maybe I was just testing myself. I don't know. I wish I could speed up this process though. I still feel lonely and sad alot of the time. I'm learning how to turn it off, I think. And I no longer feel the need to fight. If I've comprehended one thing it's that I can't change him. I feel always on the edge of a breakdown though. Like I'm forcing myself to not react to him. Will it be second nature one day? Am I on the right path?
Of course you are on the right path. It sounds like detachment. There is nothing easy about this ride with alcoholism. I feel sad and lonely at times. I go to meetings, read my literature, call my sponsor, and just embrace my pain. It goes away. All the best.
Good for you for focusing on yourself and the 12 steps! When I started Al Anon I wanted to get better fast! It didn't happen like that. To answer your question, for me, it does get easier over time. I accidentally have responses to my husband that I know came from my program work. I think, "Wow. Did I just say that?" Some things are coming out naturally and they are good responses. I have also felt lonely and sad, especially when my AH was heading to his lowest crashing point recently. He wouldn't talk to me at all. Just sat around. I made lots of phone calls to people in the program from my face to face meetings. Reaching out to others who cared was helpful. I could be honest and tell them that I was feeling lonely and in talking to them, I felt less lonely.
You are definitely on the right path by focusing on yourself and your recovery!
Yes, you're definitely on the right path. You're already making progress! I've been following this program for over a year and it was so difficult for me at first. But the more you do it, the easier it gets. The secret is practice, practice, practice. There are still times when I feel lonely and sad. But not as often as I used to and it doesn't last for long. Hang in there, you're doing great.
Can I give you a hug through cyberspace, and also a cyber pat on the back? Your program is showing and it looks good from here. Continue to do as pineapple suggested...practice, practice, practice. It's called taking care of yourself first. And that's always the next right thing.
Hi Steph, when my partner was actively drinking I was very lonely, I can still be lonely sometimes today he is in supported living has been sober for 7 months. Thanks for your post I realise I have to do the same to combat my loneliness as I did in the active drinking days. Pick up my phone to al anon member.
Steph...none of the work will make you feel happy to be connected to someone that is cruel and insensitive to you. Yes...you will learn to detach and have it not hurt you and lower your own self-esteem so much. Yes, you are right that you cannot change him. With that said, he is running the risk if HE does not change that you will start feeling much better about yourself and will move on. You do sound like you are in the right spot, but the point of alanon is not to get to the point that you don't care that he is mistreating you and disrespecting your marriage. It is to get to the point where it doesn't control you, ruin your self esteem, and demolish your hope for a good future. So yeah..you are in the right spot. Focus on you and then later you will be better equipped to make some decisions about what your really want and how you want to be treated. For now, it does sound like you are focusing more on you and that is HUGE after being with an addict or alcoholic for quite some time. Good job.
It is so awesome that you are immersed in 12 step work. Congrats on keeping the focus on yourself. I have been where you are and completely understand your post. Thanks for sharing
