I was doing so well.. and know it's all for the best - Al-Anon Family Group

Evian · Veteran Member

I was doing so well.. and know it's all for the best

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

It's hard on the kids not having a dad who is sober and can manage his anger. So it is wonderful that they have one parent who is in recovery and doing all she can to keep her family safe. But I have to express my hesitation about whether it's hard on the kids not to have their father around in the kind of condition you describe. If you ask people who grew up with an alcoholic parent, "Would you rather have been exposed to more of your parent's drinking and rage, or less?", I would guess they'd all have the same answer. Maybe those who have grown up with alcoholic parents will say more.

I guess what I'm saying is that there might be some reasons to feel relieved for your kids that your AH has been taken out of the picture, rather than sad. It's certain that all kids would rather have sober, stable parents that are in the picture, but if that's not a possibility right now... Anyway, it might be something to consider, that you are protecting them rather than depriving them.

This sounds like a tough situation. Keep on taking good care of yourself.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Evian

What a powerful intervention resulted from this crisis.

HP does work in mysterious ways so please keep taking care of you and the children (with the help of HP)

You are not alone so please keep showing up, taking care of yourself and the children and know that sharing the journey is part of the process.

-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 10th of March 2011 11:15:25 AM

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

Evian,

Sounds like you are still doing so well. Keep working it.

My exah also failed to see the justness of consequences of his actions most of the time. I think until a person is ready to accept reality, that denial is pretty common. I had my own denial and unjust feelings, there always seems to be plenty of those to go around.

Keeping you and yours in my prayers.

Jen

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Laws are different in each state as far as a legal separation. In Oregon it prevents you from being responsible for any of his messes.

You do sound very good. What you and yours are going thru is so hard!I am proud of you for protecting your kids from the disease. They need those boundaries so much. I know from my own life, security, feeling safe was so important.

I remember when my Daddy left for awhile. He wasn't A. I really was scared. Mother was a GREAT mother. Her strength is what kept me and my two brothers ok.
They got back together and my memories are so very good.

Glad, so glad you are shaing your experiences here.

love,deb

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

Your post brings back memories for me, whenever my AH raged about injustice, my opinion always swayed... he was so convincing, had a fabulous vocabulary... I always got confused, and of course, I wanted to believe everything was okay, I didn't want us to have any problems.

So... kudos to you, sweetie. Keep yourself wrapped in the arms of the fellowship, keep trusting Higher Power... you seem to be doing very well under your circumstances. My sponsor used to say, "God never promised easy, just company." (in the fellowship.) Aren't you glad you're not alone? (((hugs)))

Evian · Veteran Member

Thanks everyone. I am doing well. What's happening now was meant to be. I feel at peace at last. The kids are doing well too, which I'm happy about. My AH still thinks that he can get away with not having to do anything. He hasn't even called any agencies or anything for help. He just doesn't believe he has any problem, and still continues to believe he should not have had to leave the home. But..... That's HIS problem, not mine. I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm here at home, taking care of the kids, and myself. :)

buick23 · Senior Member

Everything will be ok. I know it will.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.