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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Optomist? Not sure....
Post Info TOPIC: Optomist? Not sure....
RoseODAT


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Optomist? Not sure....
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Well I have not attended a F2F meeting in quite a while. Hardly have time. My best friend calls me an "optimist" considering it all....but I'm not sure for now. She's definitley not program, and I need program and this is the best I can do for now so bear with me please.

Schools taken up quite a bit. My AH is very seductive and gave in twice when I did not want to and it completley puts me off track as far as my emotions and focus is concerned. (Oh yes, we are 6 months seperated going on divorce here soon)
My 5 year old (kindergarden son) got suspended today at school for the next two days for fighting (they've been calling me into his school for the passed two weeks).......I got midterms......Plus I let myself fall in love with an ailing friend that's been there for me and chasing me for the past 7 years and it's frustrating that it's too late for anything with this kind soul.
I'm very much angry at this moment, at myself, at my husband, at God, or anyone that does not have any patience around me. With all the teacher cutbacks, I'm also contemplating joining the Navy to support my children and get 20,000 in student loans paid off.  My GPA isn't bad (3.5, but it's an Arts degree and non-officer caliber)

Now, my solutions?

I guess I got to stand outside myself.
1. Not put myself in a private situation with my AH (6 months separated)
Loving him best by finally letting him go. Would love to see him with someone that he's crazy enough to stop all the "habits".
2. Keep taking my son to counseling (this friday), try to play sports at least 3 times a week to help him out. (gotta set a schedule)
3. Study as soon as I"m done with this rant.
4. Back off, give my friend his peace and space, and be glad that I finally fell in love with someone who always saw my worth as a person.
5. Oh yes, and tommorrow afternoon fix my situation at the bank and catch up on car payments.
6. Take the ASVAB, take my AF retired bro-inlaw to make sure the recruiter gives me what I'm deserved to be doing and not a job for his benifit.

One day at a time, although sometimes, yes we have to plan ahead.
And as angry as I am at HP God right now, I guess I cooled down a bit now after venting and am ready to just "hand it over". Thank you for hearing me out. Here's a smile :)......fake it till you break it, right?  :)....ok...now that's a real smile.



-- Edited by RoseODAT on Wednesday 9th of March 2011 06:36:23 PM

-- Edited by RoseODAT on Wednesday 9th of March 2011 06:38:54 PM

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Debilyn


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I think it is,"fake it till ya make it." ? haha

Well you sound like you are making very reachable goals! Thats great. I am impressed with your efforts to make your life manageable.

It's sad the disease broke up your family. oh man k garten and already having problems? eh no worries, he will be fine. They go thru the wierdest stages.

Glad you are here showing your progress! love,deb

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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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kitty


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((( rose )))

Forgive yourself for whatever it is that you think you failed at - I was so very mad at the whole world and when I began to trace the pain - I would find it would always end with me trusting someone I knew better but did it anyway, that is our insanity and forgiving frees and liberates us from the past, the pain, the failures and the abusers. 

When it came to my ex's, I had to not be around them or found that I could be seduced and doing something I swore to me I would not, then I was mad at me again.  Boundaries helped me with this but I did have to set them in concrete and stick to them for a few years before I found I could remove the ones I no longer needed. 
    I found that love was never enough, I needed a partner with willingness to work on it daily with me bc a relationship cannot work with one working on it alone, compromising it all.  ' "Relationships are negotiations of power and both parties need to be compromising & negotiating daily for it to work" '- according to dr phil - not all one person compromising  their needs and wants.  Our needs are important and cannot be compromised without serious consequences.  It has to be about each individual's needs and the person has to determine and define that for themselves.

I hope the new adventure you are about to embark on will be a healthy and positive change for you and yours.  wtg! and keep working it, you are worth it!  If you dont think you are an "optimist" per se, know that the changes are extremely empowering and others may perceive it as optimism ~ I think that is great! Keep up the great work!  Keep taking some time out to rest and be - u need some down time too to rejuvenate each day.  I find that HP will take whatever it is that I willingly hand over.

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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
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