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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Don't know what to do
Post Info TOPIC: Don't know what to do
kkth63


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Don't know what to do
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I know this is going to sound really naive of me.  I'm not sure if my boyfriend who I have been living with for 4 years is considered an alcoholic or not.
I would say he is, but just need to get some help deciding what to do.

He is self employed and keeps alcohol in his fridge at work.  He has lots of friends who stop by to have a beer with him.  So he has alcohol at his disposal all of the time.  He rarely drinks at home, even when it is really hot and his is working hard.

At times it is hard to tell if he has been drinking or not.  He can drink quite a bit without me being able to tell by his actions.  Sometimes I can smell it on his breath and sometimes I can't.

He is a very wonderful guy and even when he is drunk he doesn't get violent or mean.  He does get defensive if I tell him he is drunk.  Denies it.  Sometimes, once he gets started drinking, he doesn't want to quit.  Ex: we go out with friends and it is time to go home. He wants to keep drinking.  He's having fun and doesn't want it to end, even when I can tell he has had way to much.

The thing that really hurts me, is how he "forgets" about coming home or calling to say he will be late.   He just shows up ( it might not even be but a couple of hours after he should be done working) .
But the whole thing,  to me, is that he is being disrespectful of me and is showing me that he doesn't really care about me.  I'm his when he needs me.



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likemyheart


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Girlfriend in a box? take her out when he needs you, expect you to stay put away when he doesn't? Hey, I thought I lived with hiim? I keep telling my AH that he wants the benefits of marriage - someone to pay the bills, keep track of finances (keep bill colllectors off his back in other words), do his laundry, cook meals, clean up and what not, oh and be the wife when he needs a wife, family get to gethers and such, but he doesn't really want the responsiblities of marriage - being there for ME every once in a while. I hear you!

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
hotrod


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Hi KK Welcome to MIP and alanon

I can certainly relate to everything that you have expressed. I would like to suggest that you look for alanon meetings in your community , break the islolation and attend  .

If you have been affected by someone elses drinking then Al-Anon is for you!

By going to the following link:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html you will find meetings availablee


Alanon believes that alcoholism is a disease, over which we are powerless .  Living with this disease we have been adversely affected. 

Attending alanon meetings. working the 12 Steps of AA ourselves, Living One Day at a Time , our attitudes change and we regain hope and serenity

Please keep coming back.

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 9th of March 2011 08:38:23 PM

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THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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timscooner


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I am sorry.Did you know before that,he had drinking habit.I think he is edicted by alcohol.There are so many people,whose character will be good but definitly they have a bad habit.




-- Edited by timscooner on Thursday 10th of March 2011 01:03:20 AM

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kkth63


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Not exactly and not for a few months after we started seeing each other.

Thanks for responding.

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kkth63


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Exactly.  So  I have to decide if I should continue with him or move on.

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Don't know what to do