intervention ... pointless? - Al-Anon Family Group

DadtoCandE · Veteran Member

intervention ... pointless?

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds like you did what you had to do! Good for you!

It is so hard I know. No matter the time its been since I completely lost my A to the disease, that sweet man that is inside his heart somewhere, is missed.

Don't worry, we have no control whether they hit bottom or not. As I have said before many never hit it, some like to live there.

Please don't be hard on yourself. Keeping you and yours in my prayers,deb

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes I understand, and you did what you felt was best for you and for your wife. Don't second guess yourself. She is in a safe place and HP is in control. You have done what you can do, now might be the time to allow HP to work his miracles, do what he does best.

For me, I finally gave up and gave in to a power greater than myself. I quit turning my wife over to HP in every morning and taking her back from him everyday at lunch. Turning her over to HP 100% and not sticking my nose in between to see if I could be of any help ended up being a freeing experience for me. It all came back to Step One.......everything always does.......everything. At the time I had two years in the program and I "Finally admitted I was powerless over alcohol and I would not allow alcohol to make my life unmanageable anymore"....that's Step One with a twist. After that Step Two came easy for me because Step One had allowed HP to restore sanity in my life.

HUGS,
RLC

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

You think drinking cleaning solution is not a bottom???

I think you did a tremendous action. You set your boundary with her.

It was a compassionate action!!! Now what she does with it is up to her. Her ilfe is out of control. Yours doesnt have to be....

You should be proud of yourself.

Bettina

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers of course Dad...(((hugs))) smile

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Dad

You took the next right action!!!! Good for you!!!

PLease do not second guess your actions. It is obvious that your motives were honest and now Let Go and let God

In my prayers.

-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 7th of March 2011 11:16:31 PM

freeagain · Veteran Member

Prayers...and I can relate. I REALLY liked what you said about praying to God for control....I do that!!!!! Didn't know I was doing that but yes, that is what I do.

As far as the intervention, every single exposure your W has to the program is a benefit. Even if she relapses....the program gets in and plants a seed. It may take many times, many seeds before one actually grows....but every one counts.

So, no matter how she gets the program, as long as she gets it, that is what counts.

The most important thing is for you to let go of expectations....you did your part now let go and let God.

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I think you did the right thing and am thinking with all that chaos coming at you, it sounds like you handled it great. I am there with you, I ask HP to control things just how I want all the time until I realize Oh here I go again, okay HP your will be done not mine! It sounds like you showed love and compassion and that is awesome in my eyes. It is hard not to become bitter after dealing with this disease over time and I applaud you! ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

That is an utterly horrible situation and one of those times that you will never forget....This is just like I will never forget having to call 911 on my ex after he overdosed on my medications while drunk and trying to kill himself. He called his mother drunk to say "goodbye" and then mother called me to "save her son!"...The police came...he fought with them and almost got Tazed....he gave me the finger while they wheeled him out on a gurney. When I went to the hospital he was vomiting charcoal they gave him and he cussed me out again. The next day he was transferred to the psych ward and telling me how sorry he was and crying when I had to leave him on the locked unit. It was so immensely painful. I recall sitting in my car in the hospital parking lot and crying over how out of control my life had gotten. He started drinking again within a week after getting out of the hospital. I can relate for sure.... If there were children involved the story would have been even more tragic. I can't imagine how hard that must be for you. You are in my prayers.

I guess my main point would be to just not question what you did or didn't do. That was a crisis situation and the worst thing would have been to just do nothing (at least in this situation because her safety was jeopardized). It is ironic that we would bend over backwards, deal with a hellish crisis situation that another person inflicted upon us, and then question if we did what was right? You actually deserve to feel good because however you dealt with her insane, reckless, and suicidal behavior is just fine because there is no "right" in life situations that are that ugly and out of control.

Also, an intervention is not pointless if it doesn't work right away. Seeds are planted. Your wife knows where you stand and such regarding her drinking. She will either weigh it out and make a stab at sobriety, or she will keep bailing and going on self-destruct mode. You do have some control over your actions here. You all did the intervention because it was right. Your HP wanted that to happen. You are utterly powerless over how she acts in response to your boundaries, limits, intervention... Just keep doing the right thing because that is what your HP wants. Don't judge the rightness of your actions based upon the insane behavior of an active alcoholic. That is the part you need to hand over because you are truly powerless over it.

Mark

DadtoCandE · Veteran Member

Thanks for all the kind words of support, I feel better and I am comfortable believing I did what I could.

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

You did the best you could. That's it.

It's been my observation where alcoholics are concerned that true recovery doesn't come if they're threatened/pressured/guilted into sobriety. They have to WANT it for themselves. If it's any other way, the people that participated in the arm-twisting get to hold the blame for why they're having problems with sobriety. That's just how the A's mind works.

But again, I emphasize given the chaos that was going on, you did the best you could.

And remember, you're never the "reason" for whether or not she chooses recovery or continues to drink. It's all up to her. So don't fool yourself thinking you had the "power" to prevent her hitting bottom. You're off the hook, my friend.

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