Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Such a hard weekend.
Post Info TOPIC: Such a hard weekend.
searching4peace


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 32
Date:
Such a hard weekend.
Permalink  

We made a spur of the moment quick trip home for the weekend.  My father in law is not doing well and I really wanted a chance to see him, and for our kids to see him, one more time.  He is an alcoholic.  He has been drinking heavily for over 35 years.  And he is going down hill quickly.  

His kidneys are shutting down.  They have found a tumor in his intestines.  His liver function is reduced.  They are hoping to schedule surgery soon to remove the tumor.  It looks like they'll have to remove his pancreas and gallbladder and portion of his intestines.  If they can even do the surgery.  They should have the last of the test results in this week and then we'll know what the next step is.  But even if they remove the tumor they don't expect kidney or liver function to improve much.  He's been on a downhill slope for almost 3 years now.  And the decline is really speeding up the last month or two.

I'm glad we went now and didn't put it off for another few weeks.  He is skeletal.  And his face is yellow and grey.  His belly is so distended.  And he is in such pain.  And the itching keeps him awake around the clock.  It was hard to see him this way.  But he held it together for moments of 'normalcy'.  And I'm glad that he was able to see the grandkids one more time and that they could see him.

And I don't have a crystal ball.  So who knows.  Maybe the surgery goes of better than could be hoped for.  Maybe he makes an amazing recovery.  Maybe we have another 5, 10, 20 years with him ahead of us.  But also maybe not.  And I'd have regretted it for a very long time if we didn't go.

And even after being there, and seeing that, my AH and my mother in law are still no where near admitting that alcoholism is killing him.  It makes my heart and my head ache.  So much sadness and fear and frustration.  I hate this.


__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

I am glad you went to see him. It's so sad to lose our loved ones. You did what you could for him!

Maybe you could have the kids draw him things to put up. I know when my mother was in very bad health, a bunch of my friends online and fact to face sent her things.

The best medicine is love and touch. I know how you feel. You are so compassionate and caring. He is very fortunate you see him ,not just the A.

Denial is so strong. It doesn't matter that others don't get it. They have their own path to follow.

Sending you hugs,debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
ilovedogs


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1582
Date:
Permalink  

I'm so sorry that he is suffering and that you are having to deal with all this. But, it sounds like you took the opportunity to bless him with a visit from his grandchildren. My dad has emphysema from smoking for 35 years and is an alcoholic and I've always wondered when his organs were going to fail on him. He's quit drinking as of the past few months, thankfully, because alcohol is interfering with his treatment after having a spinal tumor removed. Apparently, alcohol makes his legs spasm very badly and doesn't allow the anti-spasmodic meds to do its job. His wife quit drinking about 1.5 yrs ago when she was diagnosed with bordering on liver failure and needed to be in interferon therapy for a while. It's so hard to watch them suffer when you know that it could have been avoided.

__________________
Struggling to find me......
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Dear Searching

It was a hard weekend and I am glad that you showed up and did wha t you felt was the next right thing. Placing principles above personalities always helps me in times like this. 

I agree denial is powerful and makes me sad as well

Keep coming back and sharing you are not alone

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:
Permalink  

That type of drinking has likely become what is "normal" for them. It goes some ways to explain your husband's level of denial about his own alcoholism. Lots of posts on here to day about doing the right thing and leaving the rest up to your HP. Good job.

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Such a hard weekend.