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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Taking a trip to Chaos USA
Post Info TOPIC: Taking a trip to Chaos USA
glad lee


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Taking a trip to Chaos USA
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I am supposed to be packing my bags to catch my flight to visit my kids for a few days.  I am sitting here, fighting some anxiety over this visit, a few days ago I was bouncing with excitement.   Today, I am faced with some nasty realities...  my family is so torn apart since the divorce, my kids currently don't speak to one another, and my son and my exAH recently had a falling out...   so much selfishness and pride with both of their active addictions.  My kids have told me they "can't wait" to see me but there are so many boundaries.... they absolutely do not want to see their brother/sister.. do not want their brother/sister in their home while I'm visiting, etc....  and of course, my son does not want to see his father either (we all got together for dinner and theater during my christmas visit, was nice.)  ... but sooo much anger and hostility this time.  Just when it seems like things couldn't get any worse, it crumbles some more...  we no longer have a home together, and now we don't have each other.

More than anything, I'll need to pack up my al-anon skills and suddenly I'm trying to recall what those are, ever feel like that?!  I sure hope they kick in when I need them.  I am grateful that so far, I have not reacted, I have been able to "stay inside my circle" and just listen.  That is NOT who I used to be.

I just needed to come here and acknowledge my frustration with powerlessness today...  I am powerless over their relationships with each other and I am powerless over the destruction of the disease in my family.

I am grateful for the conscious contact with a Good meditation this morning, Higher Power will be coming along.

Thanks for listening.


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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Mattie


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I am so admiring of how you are using your recovery.

In the past I've known people who insisted that getting "the whole family together" was paramount, despite the animosities and dysfunctions of some of the family members.  It seems a whole lot healthier to me to acknowledge reality as it is -- that we are powerless over how they relate to each other.  And that things will work out as they will, in their own time.

That's being a powerful model for recovery.  Keep on taking good care of your serenity.  Hugs.

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pinkchip


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Dang...that sound really frustrating. Of all the people you would want to get along with each other the most...your own children and their father. I hope your HP just lifts you up and keeps you on the path you seem to be able to walk on despite all this craziness. I would find it almost impossible to not chime in and try and fix all of the drama... You got my respect for sure.

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Jennifer


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Hi Glad lee,

It is unfortunate that family conflict has overcome some of your excitement of your trip. I am the one in my family who thinks that for my birthday or special occasions that everyone, including ex's, step parents, and any other extension can dang well get in a room together for two hours to make me happy biggrin.gif Well it does not always work that way. I have found keeping my serentiy and accepting other's views without making them mine is the best option for me. I can respect another's wishes while still fulfilling my own wishes, it may take more effort sometimes.

I have found a use for the anxiety moments before situations like these. I put my anxious energy into making boundary lists and (without projecting) some rehearsal of how to not engage in the politics of others. As much as I want people to work out their differences I am not willing to be the negotiator anymore. That role tends to turn into a full time job!

It may take some work but you can have a great time no matter what! Pack your tools and keep your serenity smile.gif

Jen

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Debilyn


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Hon your skills will come naturally for you. You have been at this a long time You know to stop and think, not react.

Take things as they come I tend to sit quiet and just watch. I love that.

With all the changes, "the family" is not like it used to be. I had so many huge family get togethers.

But with divorce and all that families are fractured.

Anyway I would go and enjoy what I can. No agenda, not thoughts about what ifs.

Its ok! You will be fine. Life brings so many things that are so difficult. If you can, kick out those negative thoughts and put in happy, good ones.

You are the mom, you can set the atmosphere. I think of my mother and grama and how they never were unhappy when they were with their family. Even if it was just part of it.

Just breath thru it all. Don't miss a thing! Their stuff is their own. You just enjoy!!

Huggen ya! love,debilyn



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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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glad lee


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Just waiting for my cab to arrive, had to express my gratitude.......

I am so grateful it's a "we" program, you guys are so awesome! I'm taking you all with me so I don't eff this up, hahahaha (((((hugs)))))

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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Taking a trip to Chaos USA