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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> What a stupid end to a promising night.
Post Info TOPIC: What a stupid end to a promising night.
searching4peace


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What a stupid end to a promising night.
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Made it to my F2F tonight.  First one in three years.  And it was really hard to walk in there.  Why?  I don't know.  I'm going to have to do some searching and see what it was that upset me so much.  I walked in and before I could even hear what was being said I was in tears.  Maybe some of it was relief.  Just to finally be somewhere where I'd be understood.  Maybe some was shame.  I was there because I couldn't cope anymore.  I'm deficient.  Broken.  Either way I stayed and it felt good to be able to relate so easily to the comments being said.

I got an intro package and a list of phone numbers.  No one was upset at all that my little one came along.  And several ladies stopped to talk with me afterwards.  There are meetings here 5 days a week.  I'm going to try to get to as many as I can.  Hopefully at least 2 or 3 times a week.  I got invited to one tomorrow morning.  I can't make it because AH has a counceling appointment at the alcohol and addiction counseling center and he and his councelor have asked me to come along.  But one of the really nice ladies said they go for lunch after and I can come along.  We made arangements to meet after the meeting and she'd take me to the restaurant.

Then on the drive home I noticed my wallet wasn't where I left it in the car.  And I remembered that AH used the car earlier to run out and get smokes.  I don't need to tell you the rest do I?  Yup, all my cash is gone.  No lunch for me tomorrow.

I thought about asking him if he took it.  Why ask a question I already know the answer to.  Then I thought about telling him how it upsets me when he steals from me.  Again, why bother.  He wants his beer a lot more than he wants me to feel valued and respected.  He is a theif and a liar.  And my feelings are secondary to his addiction.

I feel defeated.

I feel disapointed.



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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Searching

First and most importaant  Congratulations on your courage in attending the meeting.  It sounds as if it was successful and you made important connections.

I am so very sorry about the theft of your money  and am glad you came here with your disappointment and hurt.

This disease is dreadful and you are wise in using your new tools to not engage. 

I know that you will be attending the  session with your partner's out- patient program.  Focus on your needs, examine your motives and then decide how you want to present your position at the session.

Keep an open mind as far as lunch goes--Turn the day over to HP and just keep showing up

You did great today  Try to rest 

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
pinkchip


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Keep reaching out...Go to lunch anyhow...bring your own lunch with you...tell them what happened...If anyone is going to understand your situation, it is people in Alanon. If you let his alcoholic behaviors stop you from your own recovery...the disease is winning.

It is imperative to all our recoverys to help each other. I am sure those ladies want you to go to lunch with them whether you have money or not. You are not as defeated as you might think. You are worthy...you deserve friends and support regardless of anything you stated about the money.

We have all been in your shoes and if not for the kindness of others, God knows what would have happened. It is okay to accept help.

Bless you and keep your chin up as much as you can.

Mark

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nmike


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I know that sinking feeling. You do something positive and then encounter something the A said or did. Turn it around and give the disease back to him.

In support,
Nancy

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searching4peace


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You are worthy...you deserve friends and support. It's okay to accept help.

I'm going to keep telling myself this today. I need to know this. I'm so used to being the one that gives help. Asking for it or accepting it is hard. And I don't know why but I really do struggle with feeling like I don't deserve it. Although I'd tell anyone else in my shoes that they do.

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Mattie


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You are not defeated -- he's going to do what he's going to do, but you made it to a meeting!  You worked on your own recovery.  You are taking a step out of the chaos which he is demonstrating almost in front of your eyes.

I would go to the lunch and just have a cup of tea.  (You could eat beforehand.)  It's not really about the food anyway, is it -- it's about the community.  The great thing is that in most situations like that, we'd be tempted to make an excuse about why we weren't eating, because it might feel "shameful" to own up to the chaos we're living with.  But in that group, I bet telling what happened (only if you felt like it) would bring rueful laughter and shaking of heads and rolling of eyes and similar stories from all around the table.  Even if you don't mention it (and you certainly don't have to), you can know that they would identify if they knew.

More power to you!  Keep on taking good care of yourself!

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clep


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Congratulations on your meeting.  The relief can be overwhelming for me when I go. The farther down I feel the more overwhelmed I am.  It's wonderful to see you taking such careful care of you with your commitment to several meetings a week.

When dealing with an A, I don't leave cash in my purse.  I keep all money in my account and the pin number safely guarded.  I am not in the position of not having money then.  I also keep my purse and wallet close by.  In that way my A can't take my interact card putting me in the position of having to go and get another one.  Same goes with my car keys or anything of necessity.

As far as luch goes, it makes sense to me that you aren't going for the food.  :) Maybe you can just be upront and share that your A has taken your money so you ate in advance.  The fellowship is what is most important here from what I can see.


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Debilyn


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Dear one it isn't that they care more about their drug than us. It is not a matter of caring or loving.

Addicts crave their drug, that is how they think.Not well I don't care what she thinks I am taking this money for my drugs.
Does not cross their mind.

Its not personal, its a horrible illness. It is so hard for us to relate to. We are not addicts. We of course think they are rude, heartless, we feel they don't care. But it is not them. They are the disease when they are this sick. Its the disease that does not care, will feed it first.

I used to have pain pills and stuff around for migraines. It was a horrible shock to be very sick and my meds were gone!

I learned to hide them, not mention what I had.

The disease taught me its secrets I payed attention so it would not get me again. It took lots of time to figure it out with Al Anon skills and MIP members.

Its the nature of the beast.

I am glad you got your body into the meeting! Keep going!

Love,debilyn

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
flopadopilus


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I can relate to your story and am so glad you went to a meeting and came to this site. I have been unable to go searching for the help I needed and until I found Al-Anon I didn't even know I needed it. I just have 1 thing I want to say, keep coming back. You are in great company at meetings and here.

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God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> What a stupid end to a promising night.