The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Had to work tonight and of course as I'm going out the door my wife starts in on my daughter......I see my daughter looking at me as I leave.....I have anxiety....not that she'll be beaten or anything physical, nor will she be starved or neglected but that she will be the whipping boy tonight while i"m gone. I've cut back work alot to be home more but I can't cut it out of course. Literally all I can do is pray but that has been a disappointment so many times. Praying for my daughter to have a peaceful night has done little in the past. Yet it's all I've got at the moment....I'm home in 3 hours....crap...I feel anxious and guilty and frustrated, angry resentful...you name it. And I have to do a job that requires helping others! Somehow the ACOA in me has learned to flip a switch on my feelings and allow me to not let them affect my work (at least that I can see and certainly not greatly even if I'm wrong.) but it's gnawing at me inside.
That anxiety must be a brutal feeling. I have experienced anxiety sometimes myself. It's especially bad if it is for our children and their safety or well being.
One thing I have learned over time is that I have to act in harmony with my prayers. It's not enough to just pray for something. I can't just pray, for example, that I need to pass an exam and then never crack open the text book or attend any classes or do any homework. I can't expect just praying to pass, no matter how earnestly and persistently I may do so, to be enough. I must act on my prayers.
What are you giving your higher power to work with?
What are you doing to act in harmony with your prayers?
Search...that's a great question....I've one for you now.....what can i do to act in harmony? I'm going to guess...take good care of myself physically and spiritually and mentally. Make the most of my time with my daughter.....I don't know what else. And I understand the importance of me being in a good place, but for tonight I feel completely helpless to do anything.
I don't know what actions you can take to act in harmony with your prayers. I can't walk your journey for you. We must, each one of us, make our own choices. Ultimately at the end of the day the only person who has to live with your actions and choices is you. So no one but you can make this decision.
I agree with you completely that taking care of yourself and making the most of your time with your daughter is a great place to start. Can you do more than that? Only you know the answer.
Can you help your daughter to learn how to cope better in your absence? Is she old enough to have a program of her own? Alateen perhaps. Is there some place your daughter can go while you work so that she isn't home alone with your wife? Is it possible to change your working hours so that you are working when she is sleeping or at school? Do you need to work? Can you make do with less so that she has a parent home full time with her? I don't know the answers to these questions. How you can change things to make a healthier environment for your daughter I don't know. But I do know that even small changes can make a huge difference.
Don't underestimate the effect your own recovery can have on your daughter. Modelling healthy boundaries and good self care can go a long way to helping your daughter find her own peace and security in this world.
MJ do you have local support...from Al-Anon, a sponsor perhaps who you can be within easy reach of? Trusting others in Al-Anon is huge toward finding solutions. If you're still going it alone you've closed yourself in and are depending only upon yourself which hasn't worked in the past and isn't working now. With more support you will find solutions easier. (((hugs)))
