The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
That is what I told my son on the ride to school this morning. And it was long past due. It should have been said long ago. He shouldn't be left stumbling and struggling in the minefield that is our home. And he shouldn't have to feel responsible for the moods of the other family members. After an outburst AH had this morning I felt I needed to help my son find peace.
We had a very basic talk as he is only 8 years old.
What is alcohol? A drug. It changes the way your brain works.
What is alcoholism? A disease. An addiction.
What is an alcoholic? Someone who drinks to much alcohol. Over a period of time their brain and there personality change.
What is withdrawal? Very painful. What happens to an alcoholic when they don't drink. Like being very sick.
With the frame work in place I looked him in the eye and said, "It's not your fault. It's not your fault that Dad get's angry. It's not your fault he yells. You're not a bad kid. Even if you make a bad choice, or make a mistake, or just plain old do something stupid...It's not your fault. You don't deserve to be treated that way. You don't deserve to be yelled at. It's Dad's own issues he is struggling with. It's not your fault.
We talked a little more. Just a little. You can only take so much in at once. We talked about how Mom sometimes yells and acts baddly too. That sometimes the stress of living with Dad's moodswings can make us all a little edgy. But still, none of that is his fault. It's not his job to make Mom and Dad happy. And he's not the reason we sometimes aren't. He is an amazing kid. And we talked about the fact that Dad isn't a bad man or a weak man. He is a sick man with a very hard battle to fight.
He hopped out of the car with a smile on his face.
That was a wonderful talk you had with him. I wish my father had that talk with me about my mother and not left it such a shameful secret. Good for you!!
Well done , but if you want more help for him go on line and purchase the book that Al-Anon prints for younger members in alcoholic homes its called Whats Drunk Mama amazing book written in languge a child can understand , explains the disease and how it affects the families , reasures them its not thier fault , encourages respect for the alcoholic but also how to take care of themselves in any situation involving the drinker . Amazon carries the book its about 7 dollars .. Louise
