The material presented
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Sorry if that's a stupid question, but how do I do it? I have read the steps, but it still doesn't make sense to me. I desperately want out of this nightmare that I'm in. I'm trying to make sense of it all. Okay, I've read some posts....I guess I'm now labled codependant...but what do I do with that? How do I fix myself? I do realize that I need to do something. I can't shake this sadness. I hate being sad and crying. I'm crying over someone that treats me like this? Right now, I never want to trust anyone ever again. I try to be a good person. This man that loved me two months ago is now calling me the enemy. I will go back to alanon, because everyone here says so, but all suggestions are welcome.
The steps you do one by one, it might help you to study the first one and really realize that you are powerless over the alcoholic. That your life is becoming unmanageable and out of control.
Step one is a difficult one, just reading the words of the steps and fully understanding what it means. Takes time. If they are powerless over their drinking, then we are not to be made responsible. We are also powerless also. Only power we have is over ourselves.
Being a good person has nothing to do with the disease of alcoholism. In the alcoholics eyes we are the enemy because we try to get in the way of their drinking and as long as they are drinking , we will remain the enemy. In Alanon, you will learn a different way of behaving, you will learn to detach, focus on yourself and react to the disease in a more beneficial way.
Have you been to an Alanon face to face meeting?? It would really help, getting a sponsor to help you with the steps I think is crucial. I didnt work the steps alone.
We have all been in your shoes Steph, we truly understand...Please keep coming back, you need support in your hour of need. Give Alanon a try, you wont regret it.
Hi Step I hear your pain and sadness!! Alanon will help. Thee steps will come In the beginning relief will come by simply :
Going to meetings, breaking the isolation Reading a daily reader each day, Calling alanon members and or posting your pain or success here Learning to stay focused in the day and the moment. So as not to project to the future and grieve over the past. This can be done by repeating the serenity prayer or a slogan over and over until your mind shifts. Make sure to rest,, eat healthy, come her often and connect Make as asset list You have many and Make a gratitude list That is how I suggest my sponsees start out and then after some pain has been lifted we move to the steps
The steps should be worked with a sponsor by reading from the Paths to Recovery , or the 12 and 12 -writing out your position and then working with a sponsor to make sure you understand the step They are not done perfectlyonly once. We each repeat them as needed.
It is a process so that we urge you to keep coming back. l
For now focus on the first 3 steps by the time you feel you have a firm grip on the first three you will have found a sponsor at your f2f meeting she will take you thru the others . This is just too hard to do alone for your sake and ultimatley your families please go back to meetings .. Louise
Steph...You find a sponsor by choosing someone you identify with at a meeting. That person will guide you through the steps (make sure you choose a sponsor with some good time in Alanon and that has worked the steps). All you have to do is keep coming back and do the work and the healing will unfold.
Regarding the exA... Most relationships do not end pretty. It's just a sad fact of life. Very few people have that happily ever after and stay with the same person forever. For me, I have had 4 relationships which were all over 4 years...The last really long relationship was with another Alcoholic (It lasted 7 years). None of those break ups were pretty and nasty things were said on both parts. Over time and after some distance and healing, friendship can develop but not always. The break up with my alcoholic ex was pretty messy... I left that relationship with dirt low self esteem and just feeling so empty. Through some hard work in recovery (and also the steps) my life has changed a lot....I talk to my ex now occassionally and he still has the same craziness going on pretty much...but now it is not my problem.
I did the steps through AA because of my own alcoholism, but I know the steps are basically the same for all 12 step programs and the steps helped me with the damage done to my by my ex's alcoholism and also with Codependency issues. It didn't "fix" me, but it helped me be a much better version of me... I am now Pinkchip version 2.0 :)
