The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I went to most of an alanon meeting tonight. Everyone was very nice, but as with my theme today, I cant stop crying. I bought the ebook codependant no more and will dive into it in a little while. I can't find the one by Tobi Rice Drews. Is it sold as an ebook?
When I got home, my husband was drinking. He made a few jokes about me crying and left. Which is fine with me. I don't want him near me right now. I know he'll be gone for the rest of the night. Usually he isn't too bad while drinking. It's the next day when he's all hungover that sucks.
Hey Frank.....I think it was you that explained the anger in your post. Thank you. Some of it made sense, I think. I plan to go about my days until I figure out what to do. I would be fine if he would just leave me alone, but he picks and picks. Like nobody can do anything right except him. How ironic it is that hes the one who's messed up the most. Well, I'm going to go take a hot bath and read my new book.
I just want to offer you hugs. I don't know your story. But I can relate to some of what you wrote. My AH is often worse when he's not drinking. And at those times there is nothing that anyone can say or do that is right. Everything is taken the wrong way. He picks and picks. And it makes the mood in our home so oppressive. It's worse than walking on egg shells. It's horrible. I'm so sorry that you know what that feels like too.
I have a book I got years ago at an alanon meeting. Courage to Change. It had small daily texts to read and an index where you could look up by topic. I find it really helpful. Sometimes a small quote or two is all I can process when I'm overwhelmed. And sometimes a quote or a slogan I can say to myself over and over when he starts to pick really helps me to keep my focus and not react. It's a small change. But it's a positive change. It's helping me. I hope you are able to find something that helps you too.
I like your attitude and your spunk. You are putting the foucs on yourself and that is important and unusual for a newcomer. All you are saying is you want a better life........you are heading in that direction. Keep doing what is right for you. It's your recovery and it's obvious you want it. Keep going to your f2f meetings, listen and learn and change your life for the better.
I just downloaded the courage to change book and read a few bits and pieces. Looks good. I like that you can choose a particular section to read. Anyway. Thank you.
You can also go to the index of the book and read all the pages on a particular topic. That way if it's a topic (detachment, serenity, resentments, etc.) you are interested in or is troubling you can read all the pages related to that topic.
I hardly ever read the Courage To Change like a novel. If I have something that is bothering me I can always flip through the index, find a topic on that subject and "gas up" on the program ..........I keep the Courage To Change book on my nightstand.
Here's what works for me - decide now, while alone, what you will do next time "he" picks and picks. Get up and leave, plan to just go somewhere, in your car, out for a walk, around the block a hundred times, just away - don't stay in the same space the picker is in, period. The first time is REALLY REALLY hard but, the second time, only hard, and each time it gets easier - oh he'll say things like, where you running off too? your boyfriends? but don't answer, just leave - I often repeat as my mantra - the only winning move is NOT TO PLAY.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
