1st night of Al Anon... is this for real !!! - Al-Anon Family Group

deepocean · Newbie

1st night of Al Anon... is this for real !!!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Al-Anon isn't at all heartless...they are feeling with you and not for the alcoholic in your
life. You are feeling and making decisions with and for her...that's your choice and
your consequence. If you gave money for the right reasons with the right values
and expectations, you are attempting to be helpful. If she is working a continuous
20 year sobriety the chance are she will do the right thing for her. Al-Anon focus is
to stop the enabling that causes the disease to get worse over time when the intention
is to help stop it. When we gave money to the using alcoholic or addict the money
usually went for more drinking, alcohol and/or drugs. If we didn't give it was usually
stolen or borrowed and never returned and still went for the same reasons. Al-Anons
are deeply caring and they are caring about you...that is their reaction. Most likely
they are seeing what you have done thru the filter of their own experiences which is
both natural and supportive.

So now back to you...you made the choice and you will have a consequence...normal.
You sent the money without contact or strings...does that mean she had not choice?

(((hugs))) smile

deepocean · Newbie

Thanks Jerry F,

Your response is better reasoned than the way it was put to me last night.

Yes I guess there will be a consequence and correct she had no choice as this was sent.

It will be either helpful in this time when her emotions may be all over the place or it may be offensive in which case she has a choice to return it.

I certainly did not see it from an enabling side. Other than it may enable her to make her own decisions on her future instead of being hampered by lack of money.

I am by nature a kind and thoughtful person but not foolish

thanks again

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh yes...kind and thoughtful are what we are...sometimes to a fault however those
are spiritual assets and best used with in the will of HP rather than ours alone. I also
practice what Tired does...I don't do my decision making without my HP and the
fellowships' input at best otherwise I'm mostly into reacting and the consequences of
just reacting without further investigation and help allowed me a lease in hell for many
years. I believe they miss me and would like me back as soon as I can get there. I
can't remember if I cleaned up the room before I ran or not. LOL smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

All Al Anon group atmospheres are the same.

I find what you heard them say very judgemental and critical. That is not our job to do that.

In my experiece to help a using A with cash is helping their disease. But to support a loved friend with 20 years of recovery is very kind of you!

Ignore the turkeys!

This is where the take what you like and leave the rest comes in.

hugs,deb

1911A1 · Senior Member

If what you were told was said during the meeting proper, that constitutes cross-talk. I suggest finding another group.

Sometimes we need to "shop around" until we find a group that fits. It's hard to describe, but when you find the right group you'll know it.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.