The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things have been pretty stable with my brother lately. I got a call at 4am this morning from him wanting to talk because he was lonely. He sounded pretty intoxicated with slurred speech. I told him to stop drinking for the night, and go to bed, and I would talk as much as he need to day, but not at 4am with him being drunk. He said "sorry to bother you", and hung up. I got this email from him today:
"I am sorry about the time but I needed to talk to someone before I did something real stupid. As far as being very intoxicated. this was the 5th night in a row where I had not slept more than 3hrs. You add it up. Lucky I was able to talk to someone willing to just talk."
My boundary has been that I won't discuss things when he's drunk. I feel like he's using this "I don't want to do anything stupid" to bypass my rules.
I have suggested a hotline for future situations like this. In a situation like this, are my boundaries reasonable?
Edit to add: He said he wanted to hurt himself. He was having suicidal thoughts
-- Edited by NCSUgeology on Tuesday 1st of March 2011 08:34:29 AM
Hi NCSU I am glad you have come there to share this concern. Dealing constructively with the disease of alcoholism is certainly challenge. An alcoholic will go to any lengths to get what they want or think they need
The disease will have them lie, manipulate, cause drama, get on the pity pot etc in order to achieve their goals. It is hard to deal with and there are few rules.
If someone threatens to "Do Something" no one will suggest that you disregard the implications If you are comfortable with offering him the Hotline Number for a crisis intervention then that is the right decision for you.
I would examine my motives ask HP for guidance and then Let go and Let God
I might have used the word stable myself back when until I learned more in Al-Anon. Insane stability is an oxymoron I had to learn and then I learned what you also did. Steer them toward someone who can really help cause I was powerless and didn't have a clue. He needs to have a sponsor to call who has the experience and the the aware- ness of where he is at and why and what worked for the sponsor. Otherwise he is dealing with someone who cannot help him...and he knows it.
Your boundary is sound and you exercised it...good for you. You didn't fall into the mystery and drama of what he "coulda, woulda, mighta" done. He can work his fears out with a sponsor or therapist.
I don't talk with people under the influence either for obvious reasons. The alcohol is there and I can't talk thru it or around it and they cannot listen thru it or around it and they are in no condition to make positive responses or changes anyway. Better they sleep it off?...Good one!! Stop drinking and get into recovery?...better one!! Get a sponsor to guide you thru the program of recovery?...even better!! Get a power greater than alcohol in your life?...Best one yet.
Just my opinion but I think you handled it just fine , I have the same boundary with my brother and his wife ,if your drunk Iam hanging up the phone and I do . They get the message and rarley call when drinking .
