How far does this go - Al-Anon Family Group

alexmaui · Veteran Member

How far does this go

NCSUgeology · Veteran Member

You need to get your name off of the mortgage. I had a house in my name for my brother, and it was nothing but trouble. He wasn't making payments, the power was turned off, etc. I will never do that again.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Alex

Living with the disease of alcoholism is difficult. You took the action to move out and are now living elsewhere. You have no access to hubby's money and he is responsible for the house payment.

Detachment asks us to take care of ourselves, do what we need to do to maintain our emotional stability.

We need to examine our motives before we take any action and then take care of all things that we cannot afford to loose.

Sure you can call him and remind him . The bottom line is that this will be an ongoing issue and the call might solve the concern this month but is not the true solution.

Many have lost houses due to this dreadful disease. Keep going to meetings, share,
take care of your responsibilities and trust HP

Keep showing up

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

If both your names are on the "loan" you cannot just take your name off of it. Taking your name off the deed and other documents really doesn't do anything.

Since this will affect you big time, is it possibly for you to get the money, deposit it and pay the payment?

The problem is he is very sick. If you cannot keep up the payment yourself, it will be lost anyway unless you sell it.

Maybe contact the mortgage co. or bank who has your loan and see if you can do a loan mod to lower the payment so YOU can take over.

I am sorry you are going through this. I can tell ya trying to hang onto a house, when you really cannot afford it, is very draining. I have done it for 8 years or so, am losing it anyway. I just don't want to do this anymore. Life has nicer things to offer.

Right now you can decided what to walk away from. But after awhile things get taken away.

I hope you can catch him at a more sober moment and figure this out. There are options. He moves out, you move in, get a room mate to bring in enough money.

Have his income automatically deposited to the bank. Then have the house be auto payed?

Or walk away and go thru the consequences.
Keep coming back! love,debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Detachment for me mean't detaching from the Alcoholic financially and contractually
also. The disease affects everything it comes into contact with so expect destruction.
If he isn't paying as agreed find someone who will pay as agreed either by sale or
by rent and allow him the dignity of his choices. You didn't cause it, you cannot
control it and will not cure it. Move a safe distance from it. ((((hugs)))) smile

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

What's the worst that can happen and are you prepared to live with the consequences? I'm at a point in my life where I'm looking at things financially and thinking, hmm, it will be bad if my great credit score plummets to nothing, i have to go through bankruptcy to escape, lose my possessions, etc or pay off $15,000 in debt I didn't have 3 years ago. The worst that could happen though - that's a cake walk - the health and well-being of me and my kid. Instinct says I'd talk to a realtor very soon about selling the house, put it on the market - tell AH that if he isn't going to make the mortgage payment without you having to nag him you are going to start the process to sell the house. I remember when I started talking 'matter of factly" to my AH - he didn't know how to handle it, I started saying things like, well, if you aren't going to make the payment, we'll have to sell it - no emotion, no drama - don't let more than one missed mortgage payment go by. If the payment isn't made and you call a realtor, go talk to the bank, let them know what is going on.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.