thank you all for being there during one of the very hardest times of my life.

Today I woke up wanting out of here. I want to go "home." My time is done here now.

I feel the energy of wanting to pack up and go. Feel me coming back.
I watched a movie,"My life as a House." The guy, Kevin Kline,cline? he was telling his teen mixed up son this.

That as we go on, we change, it can be such a tiny thing we do not notice. Just all of a sudden we realise we are there. Can be good or bad. That it does not just happen in an instant and we cannot stop it.

So I thought about how when we first come here we want to change NOW. But as we stay, share, learn tools, we are changing.

I can tell you climbing out of my pit of dispair, that first week I felt like I was never going to get better! How would I live that way. Should I move in with my kids, is it time?

But what if I do and I regret not going to the cabin?

So I mellowed out with your help and friends here. Next thing I knew I sorta felt a little bit stronger. Went thru last week end and did not die. Today I wake up and feel even stronger, want to pack up, want to get the fence up, up there, drag wood up there, wake up to the sound of the loud water falling over huge rocks.

I have no qualms at all. I know I can do this and I know I will and do love it. Another dream I had NO idea was going to come true. When I do need to move in with someone or go to a retirement place, I will be ready.

Isn't it weird how we do grow or change with out even realizing it, then all of a sudden BONG!! I am different! And it is ok, we need to let it be so. Not be afraid to just live it, just breath. We don't drink it or drug it or eat it away.

We are fortunate to have this gift.

Now if I could only have a tummy tuck...now that would be a GREAT change...haha

hugs, I am so grateful for all of you. debilyn