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Hi all. I have been at my parents house for a week now, and have been doing fine. Until today. I haven't spoken to my A very much. Again, until today...he was telling me that I need to get my stuff out of our house. I lost it and started crying. He said that our relationship has been bad for many years. That caught me off guard. We didn't have any major problems. He made it very clear that he doesn't want to be with me anymore, which I have no plans of going back, but he was so incredibly cold..and uncaring. I am feeling very rejected. I've been rejected by an idiot who treated me badly. Why is this bothering me? To hear his tone of voice, a stranger would have thought I was his enemy. I just feel lost tonight.
Hi Vicki I am so sorry that you are feeling so low and that this dreadful disease has affected your life. It is very normal to feel sad, disconcerted,lost when a relationship hits bumps and everyone needs to take space.
Please continue to take care of yourself and your child. Live one day at a time, focus on yourself, get to meetings, make alanon calls and remember the slogan Do not project, . This disease causes words to be exchanged that have many meanings, People try to manipulate with words and often do not even remember what was said.
You are no alone and you did well coming here and sharing your pain.
You will find the right path for you and remember you deserve to be happy
Its not about you, his attitude ,its his disease and his denial of it. They figure if they can get rid of us, as we are the cause , according to them, which makes them drink. They have to point the finger at everyone and everything, because the whole world is against them dont you know.
Dont you know it was said to make you feel bad, because he is feeling bad and they want to drag everyone down with them. We wives, we are the enemy, we are the closest person to these drunks, we are the Provoker. They put us in this position. They are experts at manipulating every dynamic.
Dont lose energy over it . Read something nice, your ODAT book :Just for today, I will live thru this day only and not tackle all my problems at once.
Think about it this way, why had your relationship been bad for many years? Could it have been more truthful if he had said your relationship has been bad for years because of his drinking, and that he had been selfish and inconsiderate. That would have been the truth. But it was much easier to place the blame on you for the problems his disease has caused you and your child, and will continue to cause him.
Don't even think about being rejected, if you do, realize that you were rejected by someone who is sick, in the grasp of a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease that has taken over his mind, body, and spirit. It's impossible for him to care or have feelings for someone else. Before anyone can do that they have to love themselves.
So don't feel rejected tonight, feel accepted instead, because you have a family here at MIP that understands, loves you and only wants the best for you. Tomorrow is another day and the sun will shine, I promise.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Sunday 27th of February 2011 12:03:56 AM
Yes, all that everyone has said is so true! I felt rejected for so many years by my ex-AH of 35 years. Towards the end of our marriage I began to realize that is was the disease.
Please keep coming back! The people on this message board have helped me immeasurably! They can do the same for you. You're worth it.
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Thank you all so much. It was nice to wake up to supportive words. I feel better today. I have been to 2 alanon meetings this week, so I'm still learning about all this. I can't seem to wrap my head around much of anything, and I get overwhelmed. I'll just keep moving in what I think is the right direction, and see what happens. Thank you all so much.
Vicky welcome...the best thing you can do for yourself is get to meetings and read all you can about addiction. Educating yourself on this is really crucial. Your story is familiar. I was so relieved once I got a real grip of addiction and what it does to a person. The more you learn the more you will see it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You will regain your sense of self and find your self esteem again. Please keep coming back and ty...
Likely scenario: You caught onto his BS and his playboy ways...challenged him to be more of a man and he decided to make the problem into you so that he wont have to look at what a loser he is. His loss. Try and stay focused on how great you are. Take some time. Be kind to yourself. And move on! You will be so much happier later!
Hurt people Hurt people , hes angry and only striking back . I learned the alcoholic treats us the way they feel about themselves they dont feel worthy of love so push it away when its given , unfortunatley the wife is usually the one who gets the brunt of it . Its drunk talk ignore it . Alcohol is a cruel mistress no one wins but the disease Louise
