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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> ...a bit about where I've been...off topic a bit....
Post Info TOPIC: ...a bit about where I've been...off topic a bit....
Rora


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Hello everyone.  Over the past few months I've popped in and out of here, which is a direct reflection of how my life has been since October.  In October my Mom was admitted to the hospital for a tumour in her neck.  She fought a long and hard battle enduring a litany of side effects to surgeries gone bad.  On January 12 a shunt surgery left her brain damaged.  On February 21st she died.

What a bizarre feeling to say, type, acknowledge that my Mother died. 

We didn't always have a glorious "Mother-Daughter" relationship.  She spent almost 30 yrs married to an A who is not my father.  I held a lot of resentments about her choices over the years.  It affected the way I treated her and the way I received her love.

From the time she entered the hospital, my relationship with her began to change.  I let go of my resentments and just loved her anyway.  I got to know her.  I strengthened my understanding for her and her decisions.  I cared for her.  I laughed with her.  I cried for her.  I pondered with her.  I prayed with her.  I hoped for her.  I spoke for her. I listened with her and to her.  I sat with her in silence and in chaos.  I read to her.  I shared with her.  I feared the same things as her.  I held her hand.  I stroked her head.  I cut her hair and did her nails.  I offered her absolute unconditional love. 

For the first time in my life, I offered unconditional love and it was the most beautiful love I've ever felt and shared.  While the past few months have been the worst of my life, they have also been the best.  I was able to just LOVE my Mom.  Just LOVE.  Nothing else.  Not judge.  Not dictate.  Not accuse.  Just LOVE.  I am so thankful for that time with her and it is that LOVE that will live on in me.  What a gift.

Rora



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nal


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I am so sorry for your loss.

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nal
hotrod


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Dear Rora

I am so sorry for your great loss

Thank you for sharing your journey to unconditional love. 

You were a great gift to your MOM

In my thoughts

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Debilyn


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You gave your mother the greatest gift! Helping someone with their dieing is the most horrible and beautiful thing at the same time. You will be forever changed. I am so glad you found love.

I am so proud of you. Thank you so much for coming here and sharing. I know it is not an easy time. Be tender with yourself.

Love,debilyn

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
ilovedogs


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Oh, Rora, I am so sorry for your loss! Your relationship with your mother sounds similar to how I've been dealing with my dad lately. He's the A in my life and I held a lot of resentment for him. A year ago he had surgery to remove a monster tumor that was wrapped around his spinal cord. The surgery has left him with limited function of his lower body:he can't control his bowels, his right leg is 'dead' according to the neurosurgeon, and he can't feel very much. He is wracked by spasms from the nerve problems. I have renewed my relationship with my dad because of this but I really want to get to where you have gotten to: unconditional love despite the past. Thank you so much for sharing as it has encouraged me to keep trying! I will be praying for peace and comfort for you this week!

Bonnie

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GailMichelle


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Rora -
Thank you for your amazing share. It's beautiful. I'm happy for you and your mom that you spent that time together.
May of all us who have complex relationships with our loved ones be inspired by your share.



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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
ythannah


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I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's definitely inspiring to hear what a transformational experience you had in such sad times.

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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
Hoot Nanny


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RORA:
I am also sorry for your loss: words cannot express how sorry we all are!
can't seem to find the right sympathy cards either.
but..dear, it sounds like you did all you could for your mom & then some.
sharing your experiences w/ her moved me.
Go in peace knowing how much you showed her you loved her.
Kathleeen

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Hoot Nanny
Jerry F


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((((Rora)))) Ho`omaika`i...Blessings on your love.  How so wonderful that you guided
each other during that period of time.  You feel gifted where many would only feel
loss I am happy for you and for her.  I have learned that especially during end times
all of our love emotions and assets should come to the celebration and it sounds like
that is what happened for your mom and you.  I am very grateful that you brought
this back for the MIP membership because at least for me it is a gift too.  It helps
me also to remember to "love...always".  Amazing accomplishment for the spouse
of an active alcoholic.   You could do it and you did.   (((((hugs))))) smile

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abbyal


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De javu for me Rora , I too was given the gift of time to be the kind of daughter my mother deserved . the problem with my mother and I  was me she was the sweetest thing you could ever meet but I always resented her and treated her badly for yrs thanks to Al-Anon I was able to make amends and do it right . Another gift we find in this program is time . I am sorry for your loss . Louise



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danielle0516


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Hi Rora, reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss...it's so great that you just loved your mom unconditionally and were able to feel, as you say, the best kind of love you ever have. What a blessing.

You made me think of my relationship of my mom, which is a point of contention right now, and thank you for that. I'm starting to see things more clearly through her eyes and wanting to just appreciate who she is and and be grateful that she loves me and wants to be there for me (there are plenty worse situations I can think of so for that, I am grateful).

Thank you for sharing.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Danielle



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