The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sadly my wife has relapsed and had a three day binge. I am doing better in detaching and while I still feel very sad for her and concern for my kids I don't have that catastrophic world hanging in the balance on my every decision feeling. I feel a sense of balance so I really have to thank Al-anon and in particular my home group which is a great and eclectic mix of guys. I still have lots of work to do. I still want to rescue, and I can still get impatient with my 15 year old, who lashes out at me, but I feel I am sticking to my boundaries and becoming more patient with my 15 year old. I realize that he is taking his anxiety out on me because he is in a very scary and uncertain place. My main concern is his attempt to protect his mom. He mentioned in therapy that he felt he needed to step up when she moved out because I wasn't there anymore. My boys live with me but were staying with their mom 2 nights a week, including tonight. That will have to change now as a consequence of the relapse. I will have to miss my Wednesday night meeting tonight, I hate to do it as it has really helped me through this hard time, but maybe another meeting at another time or closer to home might be a good thing.
DadtoCandE, I can't even imagine your pain and concern. I'm sorry you will have to miss your meeting, and I hope you are able to reach out to someone with a phone call and/or find some hope from the people in this forum.
Aloha Dad...just from my experience...If there is an Alateen meeting available on Wed or any night...take the son and leave him at the meeting and if there is not let him come with you and sit and listen for a while. I just left my home group meeting and one of my sponsees attended. He use to bring his kids to the meeting and what they heard in group has helped them to settle anxiety and other negative emotions and thoughts. Let him come and share in what you are getting. See if there is any Alateen literature on the literature table and get it for him (them). Imagine what it is like in his shoes without the benefit of what you now have.
Know that the kids are just as affected and make a few calls from your phone list of members at your weekly meeting. Find out which ones have (generally) across the hall or next room AlATeen meetings going on at the same time. It's also good as Jerry mentioned to get your hands on a copy of their books, that will certainly open a discussion between you and your kids about how you've all felt like you are walking on eggs depending on how Mom is doing or not doing. How it's not their fault. How their needs are more important now during this time of stress then ever before. I'm sure your sponsor will also have excellent ideas that have worked for others in that same situation he can pass on.
Good luck, keep coming back and keep us posted. We care cause you are worth it.
