Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> My dad died
Post Info TOPIC: My dad died
clep


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 330
Date:
My dad died
Permalink  

On the 21st my dad died and I was so happy that he is no longer on this earth torturing himself or anyone else.  I felt guilty for being so happy.

My whole family is so emotionally sick and dysfunctional and it is so hard to see them that way.  My one sister has been staying with me since the death of her daughter last month and she has gone back to the family again with these two deaths.  After them stealing everything she owns in life and removing her from her home, she goes back for more.  It is so sad.  She spends her waking days working on the approval from these sick people that she will probably never get, instead of learning to approve of herself.

I have been processing my powerlesness in the whole situation with them all.  My niece and father led very sad lives before dying.  It is so very sad to see the rest living that way too and I am deeply saddened they will die the same way without recovery.   I have to stay away for they are so sick even a distant relationship isn't an option if I want to retain my sanity.  They make my A look like a walk in the park. I so wish they would not have ignored their hp and the guidence that has been provided.

I spent the day crying yesterday for the situation with them all.  I have now gotten my feelings out here too.  Time to put my big girl paties on now and live my own life and concentrate on me.

Thanks for listening.


__________________
ClippedWings


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 8
Date:
Permalink  

Sometimes an ear is all we need. So glad you have an outlet.. (((hugs))) ~ and I'll be praying for your sanity as complicated relationships go! :)

__________________
Sharing from a place of Hope...Seeking Personal Peace.
ythannah


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 419
Date:
Permalink  

I'm so sorry for your loss, clep. (((hugs)))

And I'm sorry to hear that your family dynamics are so unhealthy.  Take care of YOU.

__________________
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

(((Clep)))

This is indeed a dreadful disease!!!

I am so sorry for your sadness and loss.

I will hold you in my prayers

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
GailMichelle


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1230
Date:
Permalink  

Terribly sorry for your pain and loss. I'm glad, however, they you have your head on straight. I do understand about having to stay away from some family members. I do as well.

Here's a big hug for you. Take care of yourself!

__________________

You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
Honeypie


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 33
Date:
Permalink  

((Clep))

I am so sorry for your loss. No matter how dysfunctional your family may be or the relationship was, it is still a loss. It's ok to be sad and it is ok to be happy. I know myself, when my grandmother died after a long illness, I was sad but also happy her suffering was over. You can feel the same about your dad, he is no longer ill and it is ok to feel glad about it.

You will be in my prayers and thoughts. I hope you find comfort and you trust in your HP.

Honeypie

__________________
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  

"I spent the day crying yesterday for the situation with them all.  I have now gotten my feelings out here too.  Time to put my big girl panties on now and live my own life and concentrate on me."


(((((Hugs)))))
smile


__________________
ilovedogs


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1582
Date:
Permalink  

Just wanted to come on and say that I'm sorry for your loss. Praying for peace for you and for God's love and mercy to be upon you and your family at this time.

__________________
Struggling to find me......
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:
Permalink  

Clep...It is not much consolation...but some people do have to die from alcoholism in order for others to recover. I am sorry for your loss and you have my prayers. I just wanted you to know that every time I hear something like this (as an alcoholic myself) it strengthens my resolve to stay sober. So...your father's message and story is valuable to those of us in recovery.

Bless you,

Mark

__________________
danielle0516


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 302
Date:
Permalink  

((((Clep))) I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. It's normal and totally ok to feel relief and happiness that the pain is finally over. Also sorry to hear about how emotionally sick your family is/has become but it's great you are able to detach from it as best you can and move on with your life. I am thinking of you!

Take care,
Danielle

__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

NO matter the reason, it hurts when our loved ones die. It is natural to feel a sense of relief when their dieing is over. It is very had to see anyone suffer!

We just cannot change how others do things. We can share what has helped us, but that does not mean they will get it.

I am very sad for your losses!

Take care of you. love,deb

I have to add, when you say big girl panties I picture these HUGE white big panties......(c: hugs



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Jennifer


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1382
Date:
Permalink  

(((clep))) I am sorry for the saddness you have felt and are feeling right now. I wish you peaceful moments in all the trying times in life.

Jen

__________________
xeno59


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1138
Date:
Permalink  

((( clep )))

I am so sorry for your loss
It is true that for many death is bottom, know now they are in HP's arms and no longer sufferring.
I am watching my brother die now a slow and painful death. He was a H addict most of his life and 13 yrs ago found happiness in recovery, started a new life. But his disease was already in his body and even going through his painful procedures and things his sobriety remain first and foremost in his life.
He will die way to young, he will leave behind a family that loves him uncondtionally and he will leave behind the message for his program family that no matter the circumstances they must put thier program first.
Even at his worst as my big brother he was my hero, now even more so as I watch him make his peace with God and those around him, I will carry his message throughout my life.
No death is without it's lessons for those left behind. We just need look at what the message is
Again I am terribly sorry for your loss, you sound incredbly strong with a good program backing you up.
May God bless you

__________________
Karilynn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3656
Date:
Permalink  

((((Clep)))),

My deepest sympathies on your losses.  Do not feel guilty about your Dad.  I too was relieved when my Tim passed.  He didn't have any more fight left in him.  It was time for the suffering he endured to end.  I think that is a natural for us to feel that way.  We are powerless over the situation.  Sending you love and prayers for your healing as well as your family's.

Karilynn pray.gif

__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> My dad died