The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Frustrating morning. He came home around 3am slamming doors and cursing. I pretended to be asleep. Don't know what all the anger was for, don't really care. When I got up this morning, I walked out to the laundry room and there was a girls watch and scarf just sitting there. How rude of him. Sitting there too was a receipt from the strip club. I just didn't need this. It hurts. I feel like a total fool...I'm not going to say a word to him.....why bother? But I sure do want to scream. Gotta get myself out of this mess..
Well isnt he going to be surprised when he sobers up and there is evidence staring him in the face.
Lets see him talk himself out of this one....You know the movie the Gremlins, where there not to be fed after midnite, well, my xah was very quiet, give him some alcohol and he became "Buddy Love". This doesnt excuse it and it doesnt make it hurt less, but it is a symptom of this disease.
You can choose an opportunity, when he is sober and you are calm to tell him how you feel about it. I dont care what people say, there is still a white Elephant in the room that must be addressed. In a calm manner.
My x was a serial cheater and even brought twins into the world, without thought , like an animal spreading his seeds. He says he doesnt remember it. I believe it. He was in a black out for so long. What a way to live right? If you want to call it that.
Im so glad I had many years of Alanon , I didnt fall apart. Eventually we parted, there are certain boundaries for me that you dont cross, now that is was out in the open.
HP reveals to us what we need to know as we go. I so agree with Tom's old saying...just focus on your recovery.
I'm so glad I had to come to work today. I managed to stay calm, but he's been leaving nasty voicemails all afternoon.He said I should get as much child support as I can from him. So, I think I will.. He is kicking me and our son out. What a jerk. I'm done caring today. What a mess
The insanity never stops, does it? I mean on their end, as long as they're drinking. The idea of an alcoholic kicking out his family, instead of the other way around, would make me laugh if it weren't so insane.
I hope some distance from him will give you the chance to get some of your own serenity back. We get so sucked into the madness that we don't realize how distorted our reality has become. Please take good care of yourself.
Yeah, the idea of him kicking us out is almost laughable.I feel like hes doing me a favor.it just all happened so quickly. I think my plan will be to finish this semester. I already paid for it. I'm going to the child support office Monday. Does anyone have any experience with the court system. I'm not asking for advice or anything, I'm just curious as to how helpful they are with addiction and visitation. Is there an option for him to be drug free before seeing his child? The thought of my son visiting him scres me. I haven't dealt with any of this before. So, tonight I'm going home and hoping for the best. Tomorrow I'm going to my parents house, and I'll take it from there. Ugh...at least i have wonderful parents who will let me stay there. I feel awful....
What would help most would be a lawyer with experience in addiction custody settlements. Until you have an arrangement legally in place, I wouldn't let him see his child without you present. (Possibly not at your new place -- you might all meet at a playground or something if he wants visitation.) You don't want to set a precedent that you trust him to take care of the child alone, so the court would say, "She let him do it these three times but now she says..." My lawyer told me that the set-up the child was used to was the one that would be continued. So if he saw our child at the playground for an hour every Sunday, that was the arrangement the court would be most likely to continue. The situation could change if he battles for more. But remember that the statistics are that something like 30% of divorced dads lose touch with their kids entirely. It may be that you're the one trying to make sure there's some consistency and contact, down the line.
Stay strong, get lots of support. Keep coming back.
