The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ABF sent me a text two weeks ago....it said I don't want any contact with you. We had been having problems and going back and fourth about a lot. It started at thanksgiving. He has been sober for three years so he says. He has become addicted to poker. We hadn't seen each other in two weeks when I got the text. So now a month has past. I have been going to alanon, keeping myself busy, working on me. But sometimes like today I miss him. I wonder what he is doing, or if he plans on replacing me. After all he did say he needed to find someone to spend his life with and it wasn't me. You see my ABF was my best friend, I never hid anything from him. He was the one I shared secrets and my time with. I don't want things to be over forever, but I want to learn how to control my life in order to not be setting myself up for his issues to affect like they have in the past. Days like today I want to pick up the phone and remind him that I love him but I don't. Days like today I am mad at God for bringing him back into my life again for him only to break my heart again. My heart is competing with my mind today and my pain is winning.
when I parted from the xah after being married 26 years. It seems somehow our hearts get in the way and we only remember the good times. I think I will always love my Xhusband, but that doesnt mean we cant love again, in a better way. Whether it be the A or someone new. I know in my head I could never go thru another relapse(he says, there were times he didnt drink,but its not true). 26 years are a lot of years to put behind you. When I look back , I also know there was a lot of years of illusion that I created.
I also know when I did lapse into thinking about how it could have been, or thinking about him, Im not working on ME!!
HP gives us choices and keeps the lessons going. Everything that happens to us is not by accident. Its about growing and learning and experiencing. If we keep doing the same thing and expect a different result , then whose fault is it.??
I CAN SO RELATE TO YOUR SHARE. When I was apart from my ABf the grief would be overwhelming I would want to contact him and then the cycle started all over again. I started picking up the phone to other al anon memebers when I wanted to ring him, or come on here, ring my sponsor go to a meeting and in time it would pass. You are not alone if you are not attending meetings find one and while you are there get some phone numbers. Also the closer I get to my Hp the less I feel alone this has tacken time but I speak to him alot today.
