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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> unmanageable is exactly the right word...
Post Info TOPIC: unmanageable is exactly the right word...
newleaf66


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unmanageable is exactly the right word...
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for my life lately.  The bills are never ending - I manage all the finances alone despite many offers to share the responsibility w/my AH.  The parenting - yup, got it.  The kids have been having a really hard time lately, they sense that things are not right, they pick up on my anxiety, add to that snow days and stuck in the house and the usually winter flu.  Poor little guys.  I feel like I am drowning.  Really drowning.  Time for me?  Just not happening. 

Boy, sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself today, doesn't it?

I decided to tell him today, which is a big deal for me.  It usually gets me nowhere - so I always hesitate and think "forget it, easier to go it alone".  Waiting for the response - sure to be a lecture on cutting down the cable and getting rid of my blackberry.  Oh, and "you're too easy on the kids, that's the problem."

That's my rant. 

What is difficult for me now is teasing this out.  Is my life unmanageable because of the AH and what revolves around that?  Or is this just me.  I feel incapable of handling anything well right now.



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Kelly

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence...." Desiderata
maresie


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Do you have a copy of the book Getting them Sober listed above.  I know that book helped me tremendously in sorting out what was mine and what was the ex A's.

Maresie.

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maresie
glad lee


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newleaf66: "I feel incapable of handling anything well right now."


That describes unmanageability to me. And it's okay, as long as you fire yourself as manager, and get a new one... preferably a Power greater than yourself. It's all outlined in the steps.

I relate completely to self-pity... I stayed there a long time.  Once a fellowship member spoke directly to me in a meeting, "you know, gladlee, sitting in your sh*t probably feels kinda nice and warm, but it kinda stinks, doncha think?!" (If only looks could kill, haha!!!) I had justified, rationalized, and defended my need to feel sorry for myself, especially as I was comparing my life to others, my life looked so, so dreadful. 

What I eventually learned.... that kind of thinking will get me nowhere. Victims do not recover. I had to practice something different, there was nothing left to do. So.... I accepted my powerlessness, my life had become unmanageable in every way. whew!! It's huge!!!!

So, give yourself a pat on the back, sweetie, Step one is the bedrock for building on the rest of the steps and you're doing it....

Now what?


-- Edited by glad lee on Friday 18th of February 2011 06:48:05 PM

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newleaf66


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thanks for the words - much to think on. I've have read Getting them Sober - plan to read it again :)

glad lee - just what I needed to hear - thank you for sharing what you've learned. Let me start practicing "something different" today. Clearly I need to start working the steps.





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Kelly

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence...." Desiderata
Debilyn


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"I feel incapable of handling anything well right now."

I am where I am now becuz I didn't listen to myself when I said those words. I kept pushing me.

It's ok to ask for help. It's ok to get counseling, go to your doctor, take care of YOU.

It almost does not matter why you feel as you do, or where it originated. The fact is you don't feel right.

I swallowed and swallowed so much pain, was so weiry but kept going. Got to where I wanted to throw up my life.

When we hit the bottom, we need to listen.

I hope you get help. love,debilyn


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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> unmanageable is exactly the right word...