"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Odd contrast

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Just one man's opinion here, but from my viewpoint, the two programs aren't that dissimilar.... I like to think both programs guide us to stop thinking "selfishly" and start thinking wtih "self-care" in mind.... Another similarity in both programs is that we need to "unlearn" some of our stuff that makes us behave as we do.....

That being said, I can definitely see your point... In general terms, the differences stem from - alcoholics tend to be selfish and primarily concerned with themselves.... al-anons tend to spend far too much time helping others, and not focussing enough time on ourselves.... (both are generalizations)

Interesting post...
T

stephaniej · Senior Member

I am also very interested to hear from our "double winners" about this issue. Several addicts I know use alcohol/drugs/food/shopping/whatever as a way to self-medicate some very, very negative feelings about themselves and their lives. It starts out as a way to AVOID focusing on themselves. But then the addiction kicks in, and they cease being rational, and the behavior becomes all about feeding the addiction. Their actions are selfish in that they are searching to feed the addiction, but the STILL are not dealing with the demons that prompted them to self-medicate in the first place.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Yep...you just described me there. I can put unhealthy addictive energy into anything...work, relationships, eating, exercising, trolling and lurking on MIP (sad but true)...

I guess what Tom said about "self-care" is critical and also what you are implying about balance.

Kind of tricky and I am not that good at it yet... Oh well...I am only 2 years into recovery...more will be revealed as they say.

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

Ermmmm interesting, I tend to think it's about dealing with addiction, I always felt my a husband did everything to keep his addiction active, and that was without regard for anything or anyone else, where as me the alanon tried to do everything to make him happy, now I learnt in alanon I matter too and if I can't love myself truly and know the difference I would struggle to love someone else, in aa from what I saw the few times I went was that it was all about living and loving life on lifes terms, and knowing that alchohol robs a person of all ryme and reason.

I don't know for sure how anyone else would balance the two but for me I would just try to be a good person, if I was unhappy with things I was doing I would try to make changes, I guess at the end of a day for us to either seek out either one of the two or both programmes we already know we have a problem, I am not sure I have really answered your question though but I tried.

Katy

x

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My thought is, the disease makes and addict unhealthily selfish.

The non addict, the disease makes them unhealthy in that they immesh themselves in the A's addiction behavior. Forgetting to take care of themselves.

oranges and apples to me.

Addicts in a program of recovery learn to care about others. Asking how they are,can I do anything for you etc.

The non addicts learn to focus on their needs first, then only assist the addict in things they cannot do themselves.

great question thou. love deb

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi

I Am going to try to answer this from my personal place and not generalize. I believe that I was just as selfish as the alcoholics in my family. We were the flip sides of the same coin

They overtly were self involved I was covertly just as self involved.but appeared very self giving My motives were not "Pure"

I was inwardly ALWAYS focused on having my needs met . I did not know how to "take care of myself" so I selfishly "took care" of others as a dysfunctional way of taking care of myself.

The alcoholic is also taking care of his needs in a destructive manner by using alcohol to escape

We were both outside of our bodies trying to take care of ourselves by using something or someone else to do so.

Alcoholic are more honest about themselves focus and motives. I needed to really focus on myself, examine my motives. I found my motives uncovered my need to always be right, be perfect, be the expert on everything and be self sacrificing so I would appear so much better than others . They were the benefit of focusing on myself Once I uncovered these destructive defects I set about letting them go and developing new tools to live by.

By using the steps and this program I have become self focused and have found more compassion empathy and love for others that I have ever had before.

I also have slowly found myself , ,my asssets, my desires and my gratitude.

I cannot comment on the AA program and the tools that are offered.

My opinion only!!!!Take what you like and leave the rest.

Good Question

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 16th of February 2011 09:20:36 PM

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 16th of February 2011 09:21:54 PM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for the responses guys. Very interesting

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"