The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was Just Sitting Here thinking... Trying to Pin Point what "Triggers" me on a Daily Basis, wihle in my day, sometimes they are Triggers of Growth, "Ah Moments" I have Triggers of Guilt "Daily", triggers of "Intimacy" Or Lack there of...
Growth, I Can be Open too, I can accept it, I can Grab it and run like the wind, sometimes it may take one or two "bonks" on head by HP to Fully See it as Growth, but i have def. Opened my mind to the Fact that 'You Can Teach an Old Dog New Tricks' :0)
Today on Guilt... I had an enormus amount of Charity's that Send me things Weekly, I always Tuck them next to my Computer & When the Cash it there to Share, I pick the ones I believe in, I dig one out... Well today, there was about 60 so it was time to elimanate "out dated" and pick out my favorites... Or to Me, Most Meaningful...
As I am Sitting here, the Biggest Feeling of "Guilt" for Not havingthe means to help all, Guilt for Shredding them in the shredder or tossing them away, Oh My... If they have a Poem, GOD, Or Scripture... The Aniexty is Unreal...I mean I know that no matter what I can only do what I can if anything at all at times...
But ya know.. I Also Started feeling "Ick" over the whole deal... It Prob took 4 months to collect that many over time, some of the places I "Never" Heard of, and yet, I keep getting the mailing with Nichols & Dimes attached, and 9 Million Mailing Labels, and Frankly it Ticks me Off... I Mean, If you have the Money to print that many mailing labels, and Send that many mails, and SEND Money to Me... What is my Measly $15. Dollars going to do for Your Cause... I mean Really??? And from that thought I am Right back to the Guilt of "Thinking about it 'That' way!"
OVER A MAILING DONATION that I keep to Help Others... Yet I Get ALL These Emotions over such a thing!!!
Intimacy Triggers... Another Goody, I can have moments in my day were I want the Word to just Let me Be... And then Moments where I Feel Like If I don't go Wrap My Arms around someone and Just Touch a Person, I may just loose my mind... I struggle with this one some, because my H Tho Very Loving, he also is Very Moody, he can go from Singing in the Shower in the Morning to, Not Speaking to a soul without initial contact..
So today... The Sun is Out, I can Walk outside only wearing ONE Sweater...lol... And i am Happy & Alive... Him Not so Much :( Work is Slow so it is Very Stressful, and tho I am aware of this, I just continue to have Faith that we will be were we need to before things get to tough, I don't really plan for Poverty or nothing, but I also know that after the life i have lived this far, I have Faith I will be OK... Reguardless... So "Just for Today" I Choose to Dance in the Sun" Yet Missing Contact...
I have Truly gotten "Better" to allowing my H his "Own" Feelings, and I Have accepted for the most part that He Is Who he is, and I should focus on the Great that he is, and my own shortcomings instead of dwelling on his. It still does tho have a Balance at times that is Hard to track down... Funny how its just past lunch & already all these "Triggers" are tring to put cracks in my beautiful day...
Becoming "Aware" of things like this I Never would have found benifical "before" in my life, I would have thought .. .WOW.. You've Lost it!!! lol... Now... Its Wow... Its about time!!! :0)
Tho the Struggles are there daily... As are the Blessings, in order to balance, I Believe its back to Counting Blessings...
Jozie, thank you so good to read this....I too think why are they sending me post cards, labels a t-shirt if I send so much. They should be spending this money on their cause and I have often wondered that also. Once again, Im glad to see im not alone lol thanks so much Jozie :)
Thank you for sharing! I have a great connection with being outdoors, whether it's 20 degrees outside or 120 degrees, LOL! I hope you are enjoying the rest of your day!
