Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hi, newbie here
Post Info TOPIC: Hi, newbie here
Lizzie Hay


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:
Hi, newbie here
Permalink  

Morning everyone.


Just want to pop in for some support as my partner is an alcoholic. :(


Anyway. I'll tell you a bit about us.

I am in my late 20's and him in his late 30's. I live with my parents and he live with his. It's been like that since we met 5 years ago (his boozing wasn't obvious or so bad back then). It has upset me that he's made no effort for us to move to the next stage (i.g move in or marry). He's admitted to his drinking problem last summer and went in for residential detox (after having a course of librium twice on his own which he was taking with beer!). When he came out, he refused the rehab and went back to drink.

I can't talk to my family as they wouldn't understand and will just tell me to leave him anyway. The truth is, I think they are right. As mentioned, I am in my late 20's now and should be doing things like get married, move out and having my babies and I won't get that from him while he has this problem, and as a woman I don't have all he time in the world. :(

When we row (as we did last night on valentines day) he blames me for pressuring him all the time which contributes to his drinking and I end up belittling him for living with his mummy, losing his job and his drinking  as I know he feels sh*t about it all.

I won't bore you with it all, but that is my experience summarised.


When I have time (I'm in work now) I'll read through to some other posts.



__________________
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Hi Lizzie  W elcome to MIP and l Anon

Thank you for sharing your experience .  It certainly sounds familiar and I believe thatyou would find a powerful seat in the face to face al anon  meetings in your community

You can find meetings by going to:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

I urge you to join us here at our on line meetings as well.  Alcoholism is a disease that extremely difficult to deal with alone.  It is so important to break the isolation, connect and develop new tools to recover.

Please keep posting 



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Mattie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3613
Date:
Permalink  

Welcome, Lizzie. You are in the right place.

When you read through the posts you will find out a lot about alcoholism, and knowledge is power.  Some of the primary things to know are the three C's (you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, you can't Cure it), and that what we can do is take care of ourselves and work on our own recovery. We need recovery too because alcoholism sucks everyone around into its insanity. Our views and decisions become distorted without our realizing it, just like the alcoholic's.

Please stick around, learn, and take care of yourself.

__________________
Lizzie Hay


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:
Permalink  

Thank you for your responses.

I have looked into al anon before. My nearest ones tend to hold meetings during the week day time which is not suitable for me as I work full time mon-fri. I could go further out a bit but my partner is very much against me going and I don't want to betray him.

You've mentioned your online meetings. When/where is this and what time?

I know I didnt cause his drinking as I don't shove the bottle down his throat but I probably have pressurised him in some respects that make him want to turn to drink in the first place if that makes any sense, or is he making me feel that way?

For example, I found out what my friend and her husband did yesterday for valentines day. Her husband picked her up at her work place with a rose, they got on the bus home together and stopped off at the harvester. They've been married for 16years and she said she felt young again like they were courting. I found that very sweet (not going to lie, I was envious) and when I told my boyfriend this, he then accused me of deliberately telling him to make him feel bad as he did nothing for me yesterday (his tummy was hurting, pancreatitus as a result of drinking). When I told him I was just pointing out a fact, he said I was high maintenance and nothing he does will ever be good enough for me anyway and if I wanted someone as sweet as that, I should look for someone else. I ended up in tears. :(

__________________
Bettina


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1744
Date:
Permalink  



Welcome to Alanon,

You have made the best choice for your life.

Stick with Alanon and it will help you find the solutions for your young life.

All my best, Bettina

__________________
Bettina
stephaniej


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 395
Date:
Permalink  

Lizzie, while I certainly understand not wanting to betray your partner, Al Anon really isn't about him at all. I know at first I thought an Al Anon meeting would just be a bunch of people sitting around and complaining about the addicts in their lives. But that's not how it is at all. Al Anon is about YOU and YOUR life, not your partner's. I would encourage you to consider attending an online meeting. Do it for yourself, and your own emotional health.

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hi, newbie here