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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> You just gotta be kidding!!
Post Info TOPIC: You just gotta be kidding!!
Jerry F


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You just gotta be kidding!!
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I gotta puncture the airtight bag around this resentment and then turn it over
again and again.

My wife and I were shopping for floor tiles at the local HomeDepot Store and
in the same space was another guy and his partner? wife? spouse...whoever and
there were kinda sorta looking at the same stuff as we were.  The tiles we liked
were only on display and I was digging for several boxes of them...hunting under
the shelves and I get a blow (punch) on the middle of my back.  I kinda sorta
figured it came from this other guy who had striped his shirt off and was kinda
over the boundary animated (understatement) "I've got center stage people".
I was holding a heavy box of tiles and I pulled back and looked over my shoulder
and it was who I thought it was.  My head was telling me to do something other
than what I was doing when I told him "You need to think twice before crossing
boundaries like that. It won't go good for you."  He read HOW I said what I said
and kinda sorta backed away...disappeared and my back started to throb a bit
and a resentment was being poured in concrete and I was getting myself
farther aware from being a news item.  (you make the newspaper when kick
some jerks butt here and it's been so long since I've used that solution.)  In a
few minutes my mind wasn't in "tile" or "flooring"  the bozo owned my head
and I was trying to evict him trying to figure out the lessons and HP's will (I
already knew that ..."Love anyway") I was thinking about loving in an entirely
reptilian way for a while.  I inventoried and inventoried and inventoried and
got to the history where I had violated others myself especially one I have not
made amends for to the victims because "to do so would injure them or others."
I know this wasn't HP payback.  I know I was receiving what I had dished out
in the past.  I know that part of me is down now cause I didn't retaliate other
than to forgive and pray for him and myself. 

He wasn't mad at me.  Had no reason to be.  Just a naughty undisciplined
child in an adult body.  We know about that as a group.

So It's out of my head and on the 'puter.  I'm not taking it to the pillow.  I
know how to relax the spot he knotted and I'll continue working on letting it
go.  Strange day...So many foreigners coming into my home bringing their
baggage.  Ohhhh well.  Letting go...letting God.

Thanks for the ear.   (((hugs))) smile

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Mattie


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Jerry, I am so awestruck, what recovery you showed!  He tried to infect you with his anger and craziness, and you just put the anger and craziness down and wouldn't throw it back at him!  When we're confronted by someone's overwhelming emotions, it is so hard not to feel overwhelmed ourselves.  But your calm was stronger than his craziness. That's the strength we all pray to have.

What a crazy life of turmoil that guy must have. You know some kind of substance abuse is going on there. A person couldn't carry that level of craziness day after day and not try to numb it with something, but then the something just makes it worse. What a head he must be living in. And I'm appalled to think how he must behave to his wife/partner behind closed doors, if he behaves like that to a stranger in public.

You're where we all want to be in recovery -- able to handle anything the crazy universe throws our way.

I hope you're doing something good for yourself for the rest of the day, while the adrenaline seeps back out and things feel right again.

Thank you for coming and telling us.

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White Rabbit


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Whaaa?? That's crazy!!

Way to work your program! I hope I can respond that way when I get some more recovery under my belt.

And certainly - poor guy. No telling WHAT he had going on, but sounds like crazy in the making!!



Summer

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ilovedogs


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Seriously, he hit you? Physically assaulted you for no reason in public? That's crazy! You really contained yourself well, Jerry. Sounds like you used your HP right when you needed to!

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glad lee


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Hey ((Jerry)) I know that by now, you've already prayed for this man and you're feeling your peace again. I know this outcome was as good as it gets because you happen to be spiritually fit, I am sooo grateful for the reminder. I'm just passing Mr. Sponsorpants along to remind you, it wasn't personal. (((hugs)))


"If you were attacked by a shark, or mauled by a bear, you wouldn't say, "Oh, man, why didn't that shark (or bear) take into account how hard I'm trying to be nice!" or "Jeez, you'd think that shark (or bear) would cut me a break, considering the day I've had!" or "That shark (or bear!) is a total a**hole for attacking (or mauling) me!"

You wouldn't say that because you understand that it is the animal's instinct at work. It has nothing to do with youthat they attacked you; you just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. (Sure, sure, maybe you did something foolish to rile them up a little, but no one is actually seeking to create a shark -- or you know -- attack/maul. You just exacerbated a situation, or were careless about something.)



It helps me to think of spiritually sick people like sharks (or bears. But I'm rather fond of bears, actually, so I don't think of them that way very often). Their toxic behavior, their "attacks" are no more about you than a shark's. You just happened to be in the way of their sick frenzy -- when it comes to behavior they are really no more evolved than an instinct-driven animal. So its futile to expect them to take into account how hard you're trying, or what kind of day you've had, or whatever.

And it's almost (when you look at it this way) silly to resent them. You don't resent the shark (I'm going to stop saying bear - they don't deserve to be a part of this analogy. Forget all the bear stuff. Every time I said "bear" above, just think "rabid dog" now) for attacking you. In certain situations it's what their instincts drive them to do.

Same with spiritually sick people. Their ego and their fear -- their instincts out of balance (as the 12&12 puts it) -- drive them to "attack" in the same way a shark (or rabid dog) attacks.

It's not about you.

It's about them.

You just happened to be the one they bit.

When I can think in these terms I find I'm a lot less prone to expecations, and thus, resentments. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when I get bit, but I spend a whole lot less time in my head chewing on all of the "Don't they know..." and "How could they be so..." etc.

It really helps me to think of them this way."





-- Edited by glad lee on Sunday 13th of February 2011 09:27:59 AM

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DreamXL


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Gotta hand it to you Jerry.........congrats !!!! 
last week im on the phone with my brother who has been sober for 7 months now and in the last month found a 12step recovery program that he just loves...while on the phone with me he is in the home depot parking lot when a man pulls in swings around and zips in the spot hes waiting for.  I hear at the top of his lungs.."holy crap, this *** just stole my spot, im going to beat the crap out of him and hes going off like a rocket..then he says.."ok, I am going to try to handle this in a different way"...i hear him say to the guy.."dude, your kidding me right, you just swing around when I am waiting and steal my space are you kidding me?" i can't hear what the guy is saying, but hes saying something.  Next thing my brother says to me.."wow dream, can you believe it, I mean can you believe it, did you hear me, did you hear how well I handled that?  You know I would have mother***  the guy and beat the crap out of him a year" on and on...I had to laugh......this program does work I get more evidence of it daily...sorry to bore you with that but the home depot brought it to mind...ty so much Jerry :)

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Debilyn


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oh my gosh Jerry!!! I love what you said to him.

I gotta say if I were your wife, I would have gotten right in his face and told him to back off! yikes.

I bet your wife was totally shocked!

You handled it with such strong conviction! You live your program Mr.

I do wonder what made you not call the police, that was an assault!

Jerry you get into the most interesting situations...

hugs,debilyn

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canadianguy


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Strange.... the world is getting crazier all the time.... we used to have to worry about 'women beating each other to get that last sale item on the table' at department stores, and now we have to start wearing flak jackets and protective gear when picking out floor tiles at Home Depot?  :)

Good for you Jerry.... sounds like he stepped WAY over the line in inviting you to an altercation/argument, and you didn't take the bait......

Tom

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"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
glad lee


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LOL!!! I just thought of another story, this one is in Courage to Change, the story about the guy who sat down under a tree... shortly after, the pigeons in the tree "did what pigeons do best."  At first, the man had a resentment, then he realized the pigeons were only doing what pigeons do, it wasn't because he was there...... reminding us, once again.... it is the nature of crazy people (and alcoholics) to do what they do... it is nothing personal.

A pigeon got into Home Depot yesterday, Jerry!! It's been known to happen.  "One beautiful day, a man walked into Home Depot, not noticing it was full of pigeons..."   LOL





(reference Courage To Change, March 14, page 74, I've always loved this story!)



-- Edited by glad lee on Sunday 13th of February 2011 11:42:28 AM

-- Edited by glad lee on Sunday 13th of February 2011 11:45:52 AM

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david62


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(((Jerry)))

Thank you once again for sharing in detail the way you use your program tools to live your life.

That was outstanding!

I love your choice of words to the other person,

"You need to think twice before crossing
boundaries like that. It won't go good for you."

You spoke truth to him...no matter what the outcome to him a choice like that will yield no good for him.

And the words were just as true for yourself and for me too. 

No good comes to any of us when we allow someone else's sickness to provoke us into crossing our own boundaries.  This is a lesson I have to learn again and again.  I can't hear it enough!

Thanks brother.  Hope your back is relaxed again soon!  smile.gif

David

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glad lee


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My apologies if I was out of line. For some reason, your post tickled my funny bone. Jerry doesn't typically post about kicking "some jerks butt" and use the word "bozo." It got me laughing. However....

if you woke up with a back injury of ANY KIND today, I'll be needing a detailed description of this bozo before I get on a plane tomorrow to commit my first assault and make the Hawaiian headline news...



((((my friend))))

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RLC


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Jerry,

Lot of crazies in the world today. Giving him your short interview with the choice of words you choose, must have caused a brain shock causing him to back away and disapear, rendering him speechless. Lucky move on his part wasn't it Jerry? (only kidding). Good program, great choice of words.

I will add a true story about myself that has always kept me from getting involved in any type of physical altercation. I only have to remember the last fight I was in..........I was in the fourth grade.........and I lost it !!

HUGS,
RLC

-- Edited by RLC on Sunday 13th of February 2011 10:29:11 PM

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Christy


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"You need to think twice before crossing
boundaries like that. It won't go good for you."

I hope you don't mind if I see you as a Dirty Harry kinda guy..just for today, I like the image  :)  (and I bet the jerk had the same thought).







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wp


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Holy Cow! Hope your back is ok, and that Stupid stops that ! Stop I say!
wp

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Jerry F


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Worked at replacing the flooring in the kitchen after my morning meeting...
meetings and being dead tired are great for getting past resentments.  LOL
smile

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Jozie


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((((((((((((JERRY)))))))))))


Congrats My Friend :) Great Program Work, You are always a Great Example of the some of the Items In my Life I care to Aspire too... You give me Hope that One day while Driving down the Road, I May accually be able to get from A to B without wanting to Choke someone...lol... My 13 Yr old now when we get in the car, upon Reaching my First Victom will reach acroos the Truck and Say "MOM... Remember... God Grant Me the SERENITY" And Smile his Best Smile...lol... To Bad the Brat can't always be in the car with me and keep me in line... Those are the Moments I Have to Listen to HP the Most... :^)

You Showed Up, and You Worked it... Great Job My Friend worship.gif Your Continued Growth NEVER Seeses to Amaze Me

Love & Prayers always pray.gif

Jozie

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