SEPTEMBER 13
>Times of Reprogramming
>
>Recovery is not all tiresome, unrewarded work. There are
>times of joy and rest, times when we comfortably practice
>what we have learned. There are times of change, times
>when we struggle to learn something new or overcome a
>particular problem.
>
>

######ROSIE.....well it did/ does wear ME out!!! however i know it is productive work,  i am helping me.......and i am now being able to insert  joy and rest too,  i can be comfortable now,  its not all  *desperation*    *healing in a frenzy*  i can go at whatever pace i am supposed to now........between the times i am *pecking on my egg shell*  i am relaxing,  doing nice things with me/ for me...and now i have tools with which to deal with my problems  

These are the times when what we've been practicing in
>recovery begins to show in our life. These times of
>change are intense, but purposeful.
>
>

#########ROSIE...oh yeah, i am loving me more/ caring for me more.  being more happy in my own company.....i am OK with me/  OK being in my skin now......now , for me, it is learning a whole new way to live,   new healthy behaviours...and yes, intense change,  in the course of taking care of me  i *un-adopted*  myself from that family who was  not meeting my needs and were unhealthy to be attached to

There are also times when, at a deep level, we are being
>"reprogrammed." We start letting go of beliefs and
>behaviors. We may feel frightened or confused during
>these times. Our old behaviors or patterns may not have
>worked for us, but they were comfortable and familiar.
>
>#######ROSIE......i am being REprogrammed from the ground up, literally,  my cd's and tapes  reprogramming my thoughts about me/ about god / about life,  are starting to seep in....the GOOD info is beginning to seep in, i can see it....i am letting to the core *born failure* belief...i am beginning to FEEL  that i deserve all the goodness life has to offer ..i DESERVE to be happy....and i really feel it now.....well at first it was foreign,  kinda strange,  out of the norm....me???  feeling good about being me???? the old patterns struggle to stay in force, but they are being forced out with these cd's and tapes i made in my OWN voice ....REwriting my values within,  with the TRUTH

 

During these times we may feel vulnerable, lonely, and
>needy - like we are on a journey without a road map or a
>flashlight, and we feel as if no one has traveled this
>ground before.
>

#######ROSIE...oh yeah, i felt so alone  having to hunker down and really work my tapes/ cd's  playing and listening  day and night to reprogram the deep seated BS he planted in me.....HIS inventory and i am REprogramming me  for what is REALLY the truth,  that i am  loveable/ i am acceptable  and i am enough  JUST the way i am.....i never felt like my journey was not with a map,   the 12 steps was my map,  always, and the people in it,  listening to the shares in meets, et al.....and once i was in 12 steps, i knew many had traveled my ground before,  THAT is the only thing that kept me going>>>i was  NOT alone, i was  NOT unique, i was NOT in unfamiliar territory

>We may not understand what is being worked out in us. We
>may not know where or if we are being led.
>
>

#####ROSIE.....well for SURE i have to have blind faith in the process because i do NOT know where in the hell i am going/being led....its like  *ok hp, you got the map and the compass, so i am following you*  and yeah, its a bit scary....but life was so bad before,  this HAS to be better,  and it IS

We are being led. We are not alone. Our Higher Power is
>working His finest and best to bring true change in us.
>Others have traveled this road too. We will be led to
>someone who can help us, someone who can provide the
>markers we need.
>
>

######ROSIE....nope never felt alone once i got into here......like a *home comming* for me....all of a sudden  i am with souls who know where i am comming from   they have *been there--done that*.....not that i am pleased to see others had suffered,  i am pleased that i have this fellowship.......my hp is in over drive working on me, because i turned the faucets of recovery on  FULL BLAST!!!!   i asked my hp  to  *give it to me*    fast as he could, cause i am not exactly in the spring of my life......people come in my life and they leave my life,  however they all leave me with something i can learn/benefit from....i pray i give them something too

We are being prepared for receiving as much joy and love
>as our heart can hold.
>
>

######ROSIE.....amen!!!!   i am ready!!!!  

Recovery is a healing process. We can trust it, even when
>we don t understand it. We are right where we need to be
>in this process; we're going through exactly what we need
>to experience. And where we're going is better than any
>place we've been.
>------
>

#######ROSIE......oh yeah,  i decided ,, before i could feel it, i just made the DECISION, to have  *blind faith* in the process of healing...like even if i don't *feel* something going on , i am trusting that it is,  quietly behind the scenes.....my favorite saying is *i am not where i WANT to be yet,  but thank god i am nowhere near where i USED to be*........yep,  the road ahead i KNOW has to be better than the one i travelled

Today, God, help me believe that the changes I'm going
>through are for the good. Help me believe that the road
>I'm traveling will lead to a place of light, love, and
>joy.
>

#######ROSIE.....i am having blind trust/faith that the changes i am making are for my good.....yes, let me believe in that  the  peace and light and love and abundence and joy that i SO deserve  is just around the NEAR,  very near, corner