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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Unsure of what to do?
Post Info TOPIC: Unsure of what to do?
Karleyb75


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Unsure of what to do?
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So, I am new to this message board. I've never really talked much about my situation, but I feel like this may help me to figure things out.
I am 25 years old. I have lived my whole life with addicts. My dad has been a drug addict for the majority of his life. He has been in and out of rehabs several times and has relapsed too many times to count. He has just recently found soberity for the first time just over 2 years ago by attending local NA meetings in our town.
He is doing really well with his recovery and I'm really proud of him.

Now that my dad has gotten better, it has become even more obvious to me and other family members that my mom has a problem. She has always drank, but at times it is very excessive. Me and my siblings are very concerned not only for her but for my dad. Alcohol is not his drug of choice but having her drinking to excess very frequently can't be easy for him to handle. He has voiced his concerns as well and I've found that he seems to be handling it mostly by avoiding the situation. Leaving the room and avoiding the situation. It's hard for any of us to attempt to address the situation because she is VERY defensive and has ways of making us all feel guilty for bringing the situation up. She sometimes makes me question whether or not she might be right and that she doesn't have a problem.
She is drinking 1-2 40oz bottles of wine a weekend (my dad has gotten her restricted to only drinking on the weekend) and very frequently she is falling asleep on the toilet, and crying late at night in her bedroom. With the amount she drinks she has a very low tolerance for alcohol, usually becoming very drunk after only 2 or 3 drinks.
I think because she is able to function daily she feels like she has no problem. I have a very disabled adult brother who lives with my parents that she takes care of. Because of this and inpatient treatment program is out of the question.

Just wondering if anyone knows if addiction really is genetic or has any connection to genetics. Not only both of my parents are struggling with addiction but my grandpa, grandma, 2 great aunts, cousin, uncle and several other extended family members struggle with serious addiction issues.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what steps me and my family can take to help her get help? Also, what kinds of help are out there.
Thanks

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pinkchip


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Addiction is genetic for sure. Each person has a genetic predisposition to a certain level and then stress will bring the illness out. So...you mom has some genetic liability, and also plenty of stress it sounds like.

Ok...so you have a disabled brother that lives at home. There is respite care available and she does not have to take care of him forever. That could be something to look into.

I am a member of AA and a recovering alcoholic. I can tell you that an AA meeting is always an option, but you mentioned that she doesn't even think she has a problem. No rehab or meeting is going to help until she at least admits there is a problem.

I am wondering if her depression is not an equal if not larger part of this problem. Perhaps meeting with a counselor would be less threatening to her than if you came at her again regarding her drinking.

Maybe tell her you understand how difficult it must be for her to have put up with dad's drinking and also having to take care of your brother all this time...Perhaps she could use some therapy to learn to take care of herself now....something like that.

These are just some ideas. I know others here might tell you that you cannot control or cure her drinking...and they are right...but there are some other options and I just wanted to offer some suggestions from my experience.

Of course Alanon meetings for you would help too cuz I can't imagine what all of this is like for you....with both parents...very stressful.



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hotrod


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Dear Karley

Welcome to MIP and Al Anon

You are dealing with the disease of addiction and it infects everyone in the family.
 
I do believe that you have come to the right place.  It sounds as if your family truly needs the support of Alanon, Nar Anon,AA and AA.

It is important for you to break the isolation and connect with others who are walking the same road.  Alanon face to face meetings can be found in your community by going to this site:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

It might be a good idea to suggest this to your mom as well.  She could attend as a way for her to deal with the pain of living with your Dad's illness for so many years.  Many alanon members find their way into AA by first attending al anon.  


At meetings and here on the Board we learn to:
 
Keep the focus on ourselves, live one day at a time, let go of the past, pray, mediate, work the steps and find a Higher Power.  All this ends up keeping us focused on taking care of our own lives as well as being  supportive and compassionate to others without sacrificing ourselves

Please keep coming back.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Unsure of what to do?