The material presented
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I had a number of resentments against a now former colleague of mine. He left the job I am currently working at 3 months ago. Of course I still held onto those resentments and polished them up.
While I knew he was seriously neglecting himself I most of the time fell for his notion that he was a highly educated, high functioning person who was fair, kind and interested. Of course while he was highly educated since he didn't take care of himself physically he certainly wasn't that considerate of others. And needless to say his position was always from a superior place. Somehow I bought into all that and played bingo with my resentments towards him for not doing things my way!
When he left the job he didn't ask for my number and I was caught between resenting him and being kinda happy that I didn't have any obligation towards him as my resentments were in there festering away. I certainly couldn't bring myself to see him as highly dysfunctional and extremely neglectful of his health.
This past week the news came that he died very suddenly of a heart attack (needless to say he was not that old).
So this past week I've had to really look at those resentments I had been decorating and polishing up for the past 18 months. Why was I seeing his picture rather than the "real" picture. How quickly I can discount reality and grasp onto what others present.
Sometimes I need to be reminded that I am not the only one struggling to cope with life in the outside world, it seems often people that share my traits of control and manipulation etc, get jobs which give licence to treat people direspectfully, since people like me are highly tuned into this frequency I feel that I have been given a gift of gratitude, two things that help me deal with this is, hurt people hurt people, and there before the grace of god go I.
Victimhood is a huge trigger for us. Lately I get very strong reaction to it when I come up against it- in the past, I would just be floating along slowly sinking into the old patterns of comparing and focusing on someone else - who is not me.
I got embarrassed many times in program (in the chat room) as I am very confrontational and outspoken about my own feelings and perception only to discover that the other person was going through something much deeper & more challenging than I had imagined or realized. I was simply taking them personally and we cant do that or we take everything personally (lol and i sure did!). Finding out it wasnt about me was a shock quite frankly lol. And then I have the opportunity to be comassionate and forgiving. Being wrong shows me I am still learning a lot on this planet, it is okay too bc I can learn and am willing to now. Its kind of a relief to know that ppl dont spend all of their time thinking about ways to get me to do anything or that they spend any time thinking about me at all - I am grateful and surprised to learn they rarely do.
I do understand u saying he didnt think considerately of others by not bathing or neglecting himself... but I was in that place - (I didnt work at that time but) where I didnt love me enough to take care of me and neglected tons of things while doing it. That sort of deeep depression well - it is not about others again, it is about them and what they are going through. Please dont take it personally as it is a struggle of their own that is very deep and complicated - they think since they dont care enough that no one else cares either. The best way to show you care is to detach and accept them where they are and dont take it personally, detach a lil more and boundary them out of your hula hoop and know it is not about you. Live your own best life like today may be your last - that has helped me to get things out for my own behalf.
I am sorry for the loss there at work and hope he now has peace.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I didn't take his neglecting his health personally. What I am seeing is that I am very quick to accept another person's perception rather than trust my own. The other issue of course is holding onto resentments when someone is dead. My parents are dead and I have tremendous resentments towards them and still hold them accountable for not being parents when they were entirely incapable of doing anything remotely parental.
Great awareness. I was just speaking with somene regarding the same topic. It is very easy Pick up on someones outsides, judge them disregard our own assets, our own intuition, and hold a resentment against them. The person I was speaking with acknowledge her behavior was not acceptable but the other &"Person Made" her REACT in such a fashion because they were rude. Seeing her part in it was easy being willing to respond differently another long talk
The program is a great gift and when I learn to truly use it in all my affairs I am Blessed
I am sorry that your co worker passed. I know another great alanon tool that works If I have a resentment against someone, I pray for them and ask HP to heal the feelings. It works.
