The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At a part time job I have (I have one full time and two part time jobs), I am around people who drink alcohol. Once they get a little under their belt the whole place changes, they stand around blocking all the paths to everything, bathroom, whatever it is they are planted down on the ground like some great oak tree. Then they try to take over the entire place. When I ask them to get off my seat and move their entire belongings off my space they seem rather perturbed. What's more I then have to guide them like a sheepdog to where they need to go. They literally have to be herded around and pointed and prodded to get them to the right space.
Now these are people who I don't know if they are alcoholic or now. The issue is once they get alcohol in them, their boundaries blur, they become unable to follow directions and try to take over!
My issue these days is where did I ever get the idea that any such person (and I have been around many an alcoholic) could meet any of my needs at all. Furthermore I spent years and years and years railing at their unreliability. I was absolutely unable to see the tree's in front of me.
Can you remember your old attitude about it before finding recovery? Acceptance has replaced the railing and such. Might want to keep the situation documented just for Maresie especially since it sounds like there are more of them than you.
"...where did I ever get the idea that any such person (and I have been around many an alcoholic) could meet any of my needs at all." -maresie
as an ACoA -and ignoring and abandoning myself at every turn through "self sacrifice" -- I too had come to the realization that these people do not care about their own needs- so why would I sacrifice me for them, they who have no interest in taking any accountability or responsibility. No, bc then they would have to acknowledge their own pain and they cannot do that - they dont want to feel it. To forgive something - like me for my past behaviors - I had to first acknowledge and then accept me where I was. No longer blaming me for all of the disease and believeing all the negative crap they told me about mysself (guilting & manipuatling me into enabling them) but only owning up to my own actions.
Boundaries gave me that distinction. I can detach with love bc I know only they can tend to their own needs and if I do that for them and not me - I am enabling the disease in every way and in a full blown slip/relapse.
Accepting this powerlessness allowed me to see that it is a choice for us all. As I tend to my own needs and set boundaries that allow me to reach that end, I am no longer trying to control them or manipualte them in any way - bc it takes all of my awareness and conscious effort to stay on my simple needs and to be working at recovery where I am effective - with me. The more I put my blinders on to enalbing othrs and tend to my own needs - I can respect their decision to make the choices they are making in their lives. I can laugh and not take it personally and be extra grateful I am working so hard at change.
I spent so much time wasting my life wishing they would change. I do that for me now each new moment I get -- is an opportunity for growth. You rock ((maresie )) and know that u are worth standing up for - way to keep working it! you're not alone!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
