The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sooo... Last Couple days here have been the Usual Winter Ugliness, last night however we got a Small Ice storm, nothing like what they were calling for thank Goodness..
I at times catch myself going back to Old post I write and Re-Reading them to see if I have accepted "Growth" on that topic or if I allowed it to surrender my Serenity...
In Doing this, I can See where I Fall Short, and Where I need to Re-Focus... It Helps me Point out more of my Shortcomings, but at the same time, it allows me to see, how far I have come...
When i 1st Made it to the walls of Al-Anon/ACOA I was a Very Broken lady, I Didn't Trust "Anyone" because all my life I was Lied too... I May Tell Someone My Story, but I really didn't Care how you seen it, because my thoughts were that if you had something to say about it, I didn't care...You would Eventually Lie to me, or Let me down, so You didn't Matter... Even WHile admitting this currently I have a Horrible Knot in my Throat... I was that Selfish, that I figured if I just Cut "Myself" out of Everyone elses then, I could Survive and continue to live as I Choosed and Continue to "Tell" myself I was "Happy" if their was a Problem then... WELP... It had to be Yours because "I'm Good"....lol... What a Joke!!!!
Now Under all my Ignorance, the one thing that God has Planted In My Soul, has Always been FAITH...Not always in HP, but Faith in Myself for Survival... So Balancing Ignorance & Faith didn't make for a Very Preductive way of living, but instead truly Closed me Off from Feeling ANYTHING for a Very Long Time!!!! Well... Other then Maybe Anger, I was Good at That =)
Since Making My Move From That Point in my life, too This one... WOW.... That was One Very Lost Young Lady, and I am Glad that I now Allow her to Rest...
The Tools & Slogans were ALL on My Level... I needed Short, Sweet, & Comprehendable... All My Life I have Fought Being able to Comprehend things at a fast Pace that I could not DO with my Hands, Reading was Never My "Thing"... I was More Hands on because I could not Comprehend things as fast as others... Now I realize "I don't have too" ... Learned that HERE... Just Knowing that the Pace I move is My own, and I am the only one that can Judge if it is Fast Enough or Slow enough, and Knowing that I have the support of all of you Really Helps me Transistion to a Life, a Journey that I now look at Truly Happy, and I now Can SEE what Dreams are instead of just Imagining them...
My Dreams have always been small, and accually since Al-Anon, I have made them even more Simple :) In Leanring that Less Truly Is More... And Simple can only be found, when "I" Quit making Excuses for the Junk I have or buy that I don't Need...
A Dear Sweet Friend of Mine, once said He was Tired of Being Owned by his things... At 1st I Didn't "Get" that... NOW... WOW.... I have been Down Sizing Ever since =) Baby Steps Mind ya, but I am Feeling Less Constricted, less weighted down, just by sitting with my HP and asking for Help... Help to see what the NEXT Step is before just barreling in and Doing it "MY" way...
I am Proud to say, after 2 years in Program... Now I Do It OUR Way =) So Very Grateful for all that is Here, and all that Keep Coming... May you all experience the "Ease Balance & Grace" that you all so Very Much Deserve...
It has been wonderful and supportive watching you get in and work this program. I swear we could be Saimese twins including getting into the program and having very similar awakenings. Keep coming back. Parts of your journey is like looking in a mirror for me. (((((hugs)))))
it seems like only yesterday.