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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Acceptance
Post Info TOPIC: Acceptance
Debilyn


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Acceptance
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Was feeling pretty low, well real low. I called a dear JW sister, a wonderful older lady who was so kind to me.

She is so wise. What she said fits for so many here too.

She told me she would have been disappointed in me if I called and said I was happy and ok. That my spilling my heart, the pain, the loss, the feeling dead inside was normal.

But I have gratitude, and am so blessed, but how come I am not happy? She knew what makes me feel this way. I am not dead, I am numb. These are HUGE losses for me, even though it is a need for me to do it, is is my choice.

I have empty spaces in me, I fed those by caring for all my animals, nurturing them. It was wonderful, kept me busy, happy. But I am older now, unable to do it. I don't know who or what I am anymore. But she told me. She knows me so well.

I told her I honestly do not have wants, I mean like new cars or fancy cloths or trips etc. I like my needs met. I like the earthy things. I am satisfied in those ways.

For now shock is numbing me, making me go slowly. Its like living in Florida and moving to Alaska for me. No wonder I am confused and unhappy. and not really even unhappy. AS nothing would make it different, this feeling. What will make it different is work and time, doing what I am doing. Its temporary.

I am leaving the home that the A disease took from me. I am leaving the home where the disease took my dearly, loved husband.

I miss my horse, my favorite cat, llama, sheep and more. It will be ok I am very fortunate they got great homes.

So I am going to make it so my cabin has most my stuff, make it my home away from home until I have to leave here. Ease myself into living there permanently.

I have time to decorate it etc. Will take my neat metal futon chair up that lays into a bed.

Put my fence up a little at a time. Planning to make a gate to the front walkway and hang bells on it.

So though I don't feel good, I don't feel so lost. This beautiful lady is my mentor.

So this is where we are. love,debilyn

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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hotrod


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Dear Deb

Thanks for the update  I understand about Acceptance being  the key to it all.

For me acceptance,  was sometimes painful and difficult to achieve but once I succeeded life did unfold in  ways I could not have imagined.

I am glad you have a mentor that you can connect with.  It is so wise to be slowly moving your possessions in to your new home

  Keep lots of pictures of your wonderful animals and when you look at them the pictures will trigger many happy memories of your days with them

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
glad lee


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I soo understand. I lost my husband and my home too. I'm still hanging onto my 2 little dogs because, there's been too much loss. Will you still be able to have small animals? (((Debilyn)))

You can borrow my prayer if you like, I usually take a deep breath when I see it posted in my kitchen.........

"Thank you God. I trust you."





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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Jennifer


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Oh Glad lee, I may need to borrow your prayer too. That is so simple and beautiful for the times I do not know quite what to say LOL

((Debilyn))

After all the time you have spent taking care of others, fingered and furred alike, it is time to take care of you first now.

I don't know about you but sometimes it is nice to hear someone say I am normal. I am glad you have such a friend to want to hear the truth of how you are and to understand so well. Those relationships are so special.

Much love, prayers and wishes,

Jen

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Loupiness


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Hi Debilyn,

Healing takes time. I, too, am learning how to grieve and be okay with it. I am officially divorced today. Finally.

I want to share something with you. It was written in regards to having a special needs child, but I see it having the same meaning in relation to marriage. We mourn what we have lost, and eventually come to see the beauty, so we may accept and appreciate what is.


WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.



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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace.
~ Ronald Reagan~

Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't
~Marguerite Bro~
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