The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK, I'm going to meetings 1-2 a week, I haven't got a sponsor yet, but have a lead. Last weekend was my older boys 15th birthday, we took him and his buddies snowboarding at bear mountain. My AW and I ski'd with my younger son on the beginner slopes. The place was really ripe for a slip up. The "lodge" area was a total bar scene. After skiing in the morning my AW's foot was hurting so when my younger son wanted to go back out I went with him and let her stay and "roost". I did pretty well staying detached, when we got back we chatted with my wife for a couple of minutes and then she said she needed to go to the bathroom and offered to buy coffee and hot chocolate. 45 minutes later, no wife/mom, I stayed detached, but my son's mood just fell, he insisted on going to look for his mom, he couldn't find her. Finally the mountain closed and the older boys returned, thankfully my wife showed up at that same time, she wasn't totally trashed, but I could tell she had a couple. I had mentioned in a previous post that she and my older boy were getting along and closer then ever, suddenly on the way home the old dynamic was back my son and wife were butting heads and trying to put me in the middle. I just stayed out of it. The next day I did confront her with her, she denied drinking, I just said that the whole family is in recovery and she needs to be aware not to just leave like that as it causes emotional strain on the rest of the family whether not not she's drinking.
So now the problem, when do I get proactive in protecting my boys? I don't want to hurt their relationship with their mom if it's just a slip, but I really don't want to get sucked up into the same old dynamic of policing her. Suddenly my trust in her as a parent just took two steps back. Sober she's the best mom I could ask for, drinking she's dangerous. I can't help but think she's experimenting, seeing if she can "drink in moderation", she might even consider the ski trip a "success" in that regard. I'm just going to try and take it slow and put up boundaries. Need to listen to my HP right now whether I want to or not.
Keep the openmindedness and the meetings going and persist with the sponsor. Sponsors are teachers and learning the right part to play while alcoholism rules the stage is very important. Good work with the lessons you have already learned.
You cannot and will never be able to play all parts. God plays a part...you play yours and they have to play theirs. We all need to have the information on alcohol and alcoholism or we're running in the dark with the headlights off.
Drink moderately?...hmmm consider first that alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical and that it affects every organ in the body and moderately becomes a serious thought focus.
Get educated on the chemical and the information becomes very very sobering... hopefully Keep on keeping on. ((((hugs))))
Keep on keeping on. ((((hugs))))
