The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
and the secrets are spilling thru the crack. Thank you HP cause now we can talk about it as a family. He knows, they know, she knows, We know and now that we know we talk about it; and then what? HP always HP cause we are all powerless over the whole problem and only have enough power to surrender it to HP and to do what is given back to us to do.
So while I was getting informed about how the disease was manifesting in that side of the family the exposer, my eldest, also exposed that while his marriage was on the rocks a little bit ago he had returned to drinking and then stopped. "Aha" I think therefore the "sounds like" he is when we had and do talk. I am gonna handle this as I have been taught in Al-Anon and inside of our MIP fellowship; from the standard of "I'm powerless and I won't give my life and serenity away to it."
I've contacted other family members who are directly touched by the progressing disease in other family members and will relay where it was that I went to go find help and healing. I will also suggest MIP because here is one of those tools which HP has put in front of me.
My intention is to keep the crack open and widen it so that we don't have the secret any longer. I also must do a written inventory on this because just last night on Facebook without even thinking about it or needing to know I found one of my long lost step-sisters who I haven't heard of for decades who use to be a Haight- Ashbury junkie in San Francisco. She looked clean and sober. She is beautiful and when I looked at her I couldn't but also recognize that horrible journey she seems to have survived.
I spoke with my eldest son and my older brother and my spouse about how the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction is a generational disease for us. We need to talk about it, scream about it, tantrum about it and seek and do the help work to be able to not just survive it but kill it as soon as we can.
When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help...I want the hand of Al-Anon and Alateen to always be there; and let it begin with me.
Thanks, Jerry. There are all kinds of secrets in my family. As I have prayed to my HP for healing, I believe that the secrets are being exposed one by one. The first time a secret was exposed after I prayed for healing, I felt apprehensive about praying for healing again. I decided, though, that I could not fully heal while so many things were still under the rug. When the secrets are exposed and we are forced to confront them head on, they lose their power. This has been an area where my HP has done for me what I cannot do for myself.
Removing the blinders from everyone and telling them "Yes, it IS okay to acknowledge the big pink elephant in the middle of the room" is quite a process.
I know whenever I'd divulge what was going on with my exAH, I really wanted to be careful about who I was saying it to and HOW I was saying it. Really had to check my motives, for sure. I know for me the less drama I put around it, the better I felt when I'd mention his drinking problem. I wouldn't color it up with a bunch of "oh, and it's SO awful. He's so horrible to me!" kind of statements.
For me, I'm still in a place where I'm STILL maintaining yet another big secret for the exAH, and that's his secret sexual identity. Again - it's a motive thing, should I choose to remove the additional blinder and say "Yes, the big pink elephant is gay and very ashamed of it, too."?
I get mad about hiding his secret because I know he's going to just go out again and dupe another woman into his life - but over and over and over again, I tell myself it's just not my place to rat him out. It falls into that whole "Mind Your Own Business" category - most especially since now I am no longer a part of his life. This is my stepping back and allowing him to face the consequences of his decisions - which for him could end up with another broken heart, more guilt on his end, etc.
Ah... human beings are such crazy creatures. (I'm one of them, I freely admit to that - I'm batty in my own ways.)
Removing the blinders from everyone and telling them "Yes, it IS okay to acknowledge the big pink elephant in the middle of the room" is quite a process.
I can relate to this comment very much. I am living it right now.
