"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

KimmyJo · Veteran Member

Why Is there a difference ????

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Kimmy,

I think the disease of alcoholism has its symptoms and affects the alcoholic in varying degree's, regarding the patterns and behavior.

I tend to believe that we all have basic similarities, but have different needs. I dont know any other A's except my X husband and X sister in law.

So I can only go by the A's that I know, but its not my job to try and understand an alcoholics motives.

I guess Im not understanding your question. Sorry..

Luv, Bettina

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

It kinda makes some sense, when you think about it..... in my opinion, the more an A gets "in their disease", the less like themselves they become, and they all kind of transcend into a similar, dysfunctional state..... As they achieve sobriety, they start returning to their unique selves, more and more as individuals, so the differences will show through more.....

I guess I kind of make the analogy to lab rats..... active A's tend to have a great number of very similar, almost predictable behaviors (though some may be very close to insane)...... As they get sober and recover, they return to be...... uniquely human, once again

Tom

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My first thought was, as Tom said. As they get sober, practice being honest and moral again. etc. their true character comes out.

Or more the in recovery addict is a much different person than the sick using one.

But this does not mean they are a nice person. Some addicts are nice some are not. Just like any people.

I know A's that when they went into recover who were almost worse.

I hate to admit this but there were times I missed my drunk A, way back when. In his strong recovery he was pretty boring at times.

Addiction does not discriminate. You may be born with the genes of an angel, and be an obnoxiour drug user. ON a strong plan of recovery they may be close to that angel again.

Or you may be born an angry child, sullen, sad, mean even. Maybe when you drink you mellow out and you are pretty pleasant. But in recovery so much worse.

Its as individual as ever piece of sand.

This is how I discovered my AH was not him anymore. I spent a lot of time with him in prison. I wanted to see who he was sober. Though not on program. He was still the monster he always was using.

He is so brain damaged he has no heart, no guilt, no sense of conscience. Its awful.

But his brother who went on methadone, was on program, very spiritual, he was soooo wonderful, the real bil I knew since I was 15!

The variables are there too, the damage from the drug. Some of it is repairable some of it is not. What drug they were abusing, how much. How old they are. how good of health they were in the first place.

GREAT question. Never heard it before! love,debilyn

DreamXL · Senior Member

Debilyn...........That was absoultey a wonderful explanation.......!!!

f2fmember · Veteran Member

I wonder too if sobriety depends on how much honest recovery there is.

I know with my own recovery (Alanon, not AA) that once I got the program I then had to learn how to live it. I can find myself keeping back someof the control and not fully trusting Higher Power. The things I am not willing to let go of are to do with my survival skills. There are aspects of my daily life where I still experience fear and resentment and therefore can find myself doing harm to others without realising..

This program is all about self awareness and the develpment of my spiritual relationship with my Higher Power. Skills that take a while to master. Maybe some A's progress further or quicker than others. I have come to realise though that alcohoism is alot more to do with the personality than alcohol consumption. That Personality disorder remains in sobriety. I can see very easily now the level of anxiety my husband can easily fall into. When he tries to cover that anxiety with a lack of honesty we can experience the fireworks and the chaos again.
Thanks to Alanon I know not to voice opinion at these times and to detach and wait for the firework display to pass. In can take a few days, but it does pass. As 'one day at a time' is building into years my AH is learning to deal with this anxiety better.
First it was without alcohol. Then it was without dishonesty. Now I suppose it is beginning to be without anger. (though not quite and still one day at a time) Its all a process.

Sobriety stories are different. Some go through dry out clinics, some through medical units, some (like my AH) just keep going to meetings for years until they finally realise their need for it. Some divorce, or don't marry and some have families supporting them. Some drink for a long time and have a lot of physical and mental damage from it. Others drink for only a very short time. Some end up in prison, other seem to lose very little. Some have other underlying conditions such as bi-polar and autistic specrum disorder, and some are sociopaths...
They are individuals with the same disease. Why would we expect them to be the same in recovery?
The program after all is about spiritual awakening and having enough honesty to accept ourselves as we are. That can be a tall order for some...and not all of thse who put up barriers are As

I do know though that the more I take an A's inventory the less progress I make
Progress not perfection

-- Edited by f2fmember on Saturday 29th of January 2011 07:38:20 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Mahalo Kimmy for the thread and to the fellowship for the responses. I have to smile
because it caused me to think of my early sponsorship and the lessons which came
from it. One response to me was "Get her out from under the microscope...you don't
learn more about you from taking a harder look at her." Also my sponsor use to ask
me, "What are you going to do with the information?"

I was also a researcher trying to come to an understanding. Part of my growth was
to practice looking at the me rather than at the she or he. The more time I tooking
looking at others was the less time I took correcting the real problem.

(((((hugs))))) smile

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

We are all unique in a way , we are not clones =we recover at our own pace in this program we allow ourselves to be who we were meant to be flaws and all .

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"