need o vent sorry - Al-Anon Family Group

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

need o vent sorry

DreamXL · Senior Member

Boy Tracy I heard you loud and clear with this post. My mom was/is famous for making remarks about how I parent my child, what i should and should not be doing...sheesh....Really its just so insane, I pay absolutely no attention to what she says anymore and dont even waste my time engaging in the conversation. She is the first person to throw her 2 cents in and amazing since every one of her children see her as a neglectful mother today, of course this never enters her mind. All I can say is thank god you see it Tracy and glad you have awareness as to the treatment that effected your self worth...its really the only way to break the chain for our children. Dont fall into the trap, and remember you are talking to someone who is not recovering...when my mom speaks I seriously see an imaginary sign "I am not recovering" flashing across her face. Keep working it Tracy, your doing fine :)

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Tracy , you needed that vent.

I dont think there is anyone on this earth, other than the alcoholic that can make us upset like our Mothers.

They want us to be perfect because if were not, it makes them look bad.
also your daughter is young, immature, looking for constant attention, etc.

Finally after almost reaching 65, I have finally put boundaries on my Mom for my own sanity.

Just like everyone else, we have to detach lovingly. I realized that no amount of what I did for my Mom was enough. I realized thats how it was growing up too, that I had to make up for all my Moms unhappiness. I read this book and I cant remember the title. It said that when we grow up with Mothers that only have self interests and they always criticize their daughters for not doing enough for them, it makes us people pleasers and we grow up with no boundaries. This struck me big time, because I had no boundaries with how much I would do for others and staying with the alcoholic for so long and not putting boundaries on my life.

By implementing those boundaries with my Mom, it is so much better for me. Its not wrong to be human and if your going thru a bad nite , your entitled.

Don't let other people make you feel less , even if its your Mom.

Keep coming back. Luv, Bettina

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Took me a long time but I stopped that negative talk in my head. It is abuse! You do not deserve anyone talking like that about you! NOT even you (c:

I learned to say stop and put in I am ok just how I am. Now I never, ever have negative talk about myself. I treat me tenderly, and I treat others the same.

It's ok if you need a nap!We are the only ones who truly know what we need. Its ok to nurture out self.

My life is making me tired right now. I mean physically and probably emotionally. NOT spiritually, my HP, he is amazing! If I just gotta lay down I do. Hey maybe my tenants need me, or a friend calls. Somtimes I just crawl in my bed and turn it off.

Sorta like if i was in the hospital no one could bother me.

Hp can be so good. When we throw our stuff to him, let it go. Then take care of us and do the footwork even if it is slow, its ok!

I was blessed with such a great mother, mom who adopted me when my mother died and gramas.

BUT even so Tracy I felt guilty if my mother had a migraine or was quiet. I was blessed with an uncritical life.

Maybe since you see it, you can change the pattern. Which it sounds like you are.

Its ok to share with daughter you need time for you too,but you love her.

My friend and I would take our daughters, i mean separately to just go walk, or shop or get ice cream. Just talk about nothing. It doesn't always have to be deep conversation.

I loved sitting at our breakfast bar as mother cooked and just watched her and listened.

I like "Lighten Up." I think my animals have taught me that.

My girl is 35, it went like a snap of my finger! sigh.

I don't know how I would have delt with a critical mom. Look how hard I was on me with out one!I know the people in my life know I am a tender heart. LOTS tougher now though!

Given ya hugs. debilyn

f2fmember · Veteran Member

Oh Boy Tracy
Theres nothing quite like judgement to get the blood boiling is there lol
They say there is nothing wrong with venting as long as you don't leave a big hole for the next resentment to set in.

People speak out of turn don't they especially when they don't have the whole picture.
Take what you like and leave the rest.

Its a decision I suppose. I can give away my serenity by getting sucked in (which I can easily do)

But no one can steal my serenity. I have to be willing to let it go. I can choose not to.
I can feel my feelings and then do something completely different and change the record in my head.

Very tough after a tough day though lol

Hope tomorrow is an easy day....hormone free

f2f

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