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I am so frustrated this morning. What in the hell is he doing again? Okay so its two days after my f2f meeting and what is sticking in my head is the first part of step 1. So I am sitting here trying to remind myself I am powerless. There is nothing I can say or do that's going to change what's happening right now. And I have to accept that. If I do harp on, carry on, scream, punish etc etc I can just foresee making this situation even worse. For now I promised myself to just try and remind myself not to try and exert my 'power' for it will do no good and just step back and see how it pans out. I've said I'm not impressed etc. That will do. I'm leaving it at that and I'm going to try and get through the day. I want to try and make it to next f2f meeting having acting on the acceptance of this powerlessness and see how it plays out. But I can say, this is so - so hard. Everything in me wants to act another way right now. GOD please give me the strength to do this. Let my experience of this be my witness to the program.
POWERFUL SHARE!!! I HEARD THE FIRST 3 STEPS EXPRESSED IN SUCH AN INSIGHTFUL MANNER.
FIRST YOUR ADMISSION OF POWERLESSNESS AND YOUR MINDS DESIRE TO ACT IN OLD SELF DEFEATING MANNER---2ND - YOUR PRAYER TO GOD TO HELP AND 3 YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF THE OUTCOME.
YOU ARE DOING WELL JUST KEEP ASKING HP FOR THAT HELP HP DOES NOT ABANDON US
Oh my goodness! What a small miracle. I was actually having a whinge - with it a resolve to try and hold that first part of the first step and now I look back at what you have pointed out! Brilliant! And do you know the amazing thing? Okay - so he is using, but we are not fighting and he's got up and started cleaning up the kitchen and I've put washing on etc and yes things are NOT perfect but we have some functionality and we are talking nicely to each other etc. Brilliant. Thank you for pointing that out, very encouraging!
Hotrods reply was very insightful. Her experience, strength, and hope gave you a light bulb moment. She has years in the program and it sparkles in her replies.
Small changes in us can bring about changes in our alcoholics. "Not Reacting" to the chaos can save our serenity. I know what reacting can cause, tried it too many times, and continued to get the same results. For that reason "Not Reacting" became my favorite slogan.
I'm happy you went to your first f2f meeting. You gained knowledge and information, but most important, you applied it. I'm proud of you.
Keep smiling girl, and keep going to your meeting. it only gets better.
You want to exert your power ? what power is that anyway the only person you have any control over is yourself and so far today so good you changed your behavior thats a biggie , say nothing about his drinking it goes on deaf ears anyway .. the more we try to open someones eyes the more they close thier ears .. find some other meetings read the literature do what it says to the best of your ability and your life will get easier you might actually find some time to enjoy a hobby or two . keep going stay focused on your needs an d you will be just fine
Thank you so much for the replies. I know - the power I don't have! lol When I wrote I want to exert my power I think I meant my will. Overall the day went well. I just got angry though as my partner got quite drunk and is now sleep walking and talking, disturbing others in the house hold and myself. I found it really hard not to react and he was sleep talking and trying to engage me in crap. I just had to say I think its a good idea if you go back to bed. Losing my patience now. End of the day. Getting tired. Going to pray to my Higher Power to apply again tomorrow the acceptance that I am powerless and yes I really do like the concept of 'not reacting' - I am praying for more self control!
(((((Hayes))))) Take it slow...give yourself space and mercy, this will change for the better for you beyond your wild imaginations. In the future the comment "I'm not impressed" won't even happen. I was thinking about you post and where you are at and I'm a metaphor, culture person. I "get it" in pictures...the picture I got of your situation was of a large mother Kangaroo (HP) and her Joey in her pouch (you) being taken care of. You'll get it. (((((hugs)))))
Thank you so much Jerry. And for everyone's responses. Ugh I need another face to face meeting. This is slowly eating at me and my self-will is trying to take over. He's absolutely crazy today and its such hot weather and there's no point even going on about it. Just lots of drinking, lots of yelling and lots of me trying not to 'bite back' and keep some level of peace. When an argument didn't work out with me, he argued with visitors (long story) and now he's passed out in bed. Pity is creeping in but I am just trying to be there for my daughter right now. We are in the lounge with fans on and watching a children's dvd. I actually don't know what else to do. Honestly what else is there to do - I am powerless over what he is doing - I can only do what I am and try and not engage and keep my daughter cool and entertained and away from it and at least provide her with some sense of security from me.
Jerry your post gave me hope and if I didn't read something like that - or have some hope from literature right now and if wasn't for my daughter I wouldn't want to be alive for the idea that this is going to be like this forever....
you have nailed it......100 percent of how i feel.......frustrated and powerless. there is no point in arguing, screaming, threatening,,,it in my ah hands...... i am just having so much difficutly getting over the sadness of it all...of seeing a good man, who i love so much take this course in his life
I am powerless over the fact that the man upstairs would not stop talking (Loudly) and just stopped talking at 2:15 am That my daughter is still out at a friend's house at this hour That she is an addict (pot) That I could not make my marriage work That I cannot fix or control things That I have at this stage in my life only begun to learn what this means....
the only person you have any control over is yourself and so far today so good you changed your behavior thats a biggie , say nothing about his drinking it goes on deaf ears anyway .. the more we try to open someones eyes the more they close thier ears .. find some other meetings read the literature do what it says to the best of your ability and your life will get easier you might actually find some time to enjoy a hobby or two . keep going stay focused on your needs