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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> WHY AM I IN THE FOG?????
Post Info TOPIC: WHY AM I IN THE FOG?????
KimmyJo


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WHY AM I IN THE FOG?????
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Yes, I attend Alanon meetings.
Yes, I read the books.
Yes, I pray and pray and pray.
Yes and Yes and Yes.....

After 15 years of marriage, there are alot of layers that have been damaged.
Like a onion, Im trying to peel a layer off.......one day at a time.

With my AH coming home from rehab next week, it has me feeling like a deer in front of head lamps...WHY??????

Feels like my 4 weeks of serenity and all of the work that I have done on myself is
in a deep fog!!!...WHY????
cry




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Kimmy Jo
Aloha


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It helps me to remember "Easy does it" - meaning, take it easy on myself.

I've lived most of my life reacting and behaving in my old, damaging, fearful ways. For me, that's 30 years of ingrained behaviors. They're not going to disappear overnight, even if I'm willing it with all my heart.

Practice is what helps me to start applying the Al-Anon tools. And HP gives me infinite opportunities to practice using my Al-Anon tools.

So, take it easy on yourself. Just take everything one day at a time. If it helps at all, try to get yourself into the present moment instead of future-forecasting about what's going to go on next week. Next week is NEXT week. Not NOW. Enjoy your now.

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abbyal


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Whoa kimmy , what your feeling is completely normal your life is going to change dramatically and it is scarry but one day at a time you can do this , you only have to get thru one day at a time , enjoy sobriety it beats drunk any day ..
Fear is normal too , what if it dosent work , we try and not have expectations but we do- try What if it does work ??   With both of you in recovery you stand a good chance , I used to look at my husb and wonder who are you going to be tomorrow - it was exciting to watch him find a life and sometimes a little scarry too but I had been in this program for a few yrs and had learned how to look after my own stuff  , I didnt  worry about him drinking again because I finally understood  that I could not control that .  enjoy and Don't miss the good days .  Louise
If you can find one look for a book called Living with sobriety - Al-Anon , perhaps one of the meetings in your area has one left or your local literature depot may still have a couple floating around , or try online -- they stopped printing it a few yrs ago its a red book not too big a read and you  will find your answers there , or Dilema of the Alcoholic Marriage is awsome great stuff on communication in that book , as that seems to be a problem for most of us .biggrin  

-- Edited by abbyal on Tuesday 25th of January 2011 07:50:50 PM

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Debilyn


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Sweetie when I feel like you are, I remind myself to not get ahead of one day at a time.

Be where you are right now. Next week is next week. You may feel stronger then.The more we can work on the day in front of us the better. Big chunks can really freak me out!

I am getting ready to move. I am weak feeling kinda barfy. I just do little steps. Do what I can, no pressure. In the scheme of things I will get there.

Some days I am in that numb fog. I like it. whew, can just sorta slug along, not feel a whole lot.

Your serenity is there, it is your foundation. You will feel better again I promise as with Al Anon we have hope, we have each other. NOthing stays the same.

I learned to not say why anymore. I say what makes this so, what made me do this? What makes me feel this way. I like "what" not why. Same as I am concerned, not worried.

Maybe the words in your head are not positive ones? Do we need to stop the negative thoughts and put in simply. I am ok just how I am, I am ok just where I am.

We are here for you. Don't be hard on you. It could be as simple as you are not resting enough, drinking enough water.

hugs hon,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
freeagain


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FOG = Fear Obligation Guilt

The FOG is starting to dissend again because the storm is comming home. Keep moving forward. Stay focused on you and you will see the light thru the FOG. Don't get lost in it. You can do this.

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KimmyJo


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FREE AGAIN

I have re-read your post 20 times......

As I giggle to myself, I believe your definition of FOG fits me....

I have been telling my friends/family...
"Only 1 more week of serenity left, until the monster comes home"

Fear, of the unknown behaviors, the disgusting attitudes, the disgusting diesase
that has crippled me, and the words that hurt. The fear of no change within his mind.
Fear of no change in my mind and being able to let go of the past hurts. Fear within me, of not being able to forgive & forget.

Obligation, dont want to support him (mentally,financially, physically) Im very tired  and have no strength left to support him, let alone myself....
Obligation & compassion is no longer in my soul. 


Guilty, because, wouldnt a good wife, be excited to have her sober husband come home? Guilty, because I dont care to support him & be happy he attends 90 days
class or reads some big blue book. Guilty because we marry for better or worse.

YEP, I have now been diagnosed with FOG....furious


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Kimmy Jo
Emi


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It was good to read this thread after coming home tonight from my Al-Anon group. I heard a similar share. The member is doing her Al-Anon and ACA meetings and focusing on HER recovery. She seems to be doing so well. And, her husband can't understand it...he just got home from rehab, too.

All the posts here have great Al-Anon recovery shares. A cherry on top of my live Al-Anon meeting.

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Gratefully recovering today with the experience, strength and hope of my fellow travelers.
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